Let me start by saying that this is not an ideal election cycle. It seems that South Park’s 2004 episode, Douche and Turd Sandwich has come to fruition. These are not ideal candidates, this is not an ideal situation; a former reality star is being considered for President, and the other option isn’t great either. One of the main reasons why this is not an ideal election is because this election is fraught with scandals. Granted there have always been scandals in every election cycle, such as George W. Bush’s air national guard scandal, Andrew Jackson’s Peggy Eaton scandal, and Bill Clinton’s Gennifer Flowers scandal to name a few. But this election cycle has been insane to say the least. It seems as if each week something new has come up.

This week I will be writing on Donald Trump, a misogynistic, racist, delusional, reality star. Before you start accusing me of being one sided, let me just say that next week I’ll be going off on Hillary Clinton, so you can either stop reading and tune in next week, or be a grown up and read something that might go against the views you hold. I understand you could be mad at Hillary, find her untrustworthy and what not, but you need to take a long hard look at Donald Trump before you decide that he’s going to be your protest candidate, because that’s what he is, he is garnering votes because he goes against the “corrupt establishment”. On October 13, he was speaking at a rally in Florida, spouting some nonsense that because he “used to be on the inside” he alone can fix the system. Now, let’s compare him to “Crooked” Hillary Clinton. Politifact checked around the same number of statements from the two candidates over the years and found that 13% of Hillary’s statements to be flatly false. If I was to tell you 10 things a day and 1 thing each day was a complete lie you’d stop believing me right? Naturally you’d go hang out with someone else who doesn’t spew shit, in this case Donald Trump. Now the same sample found 53% of Trump’s statements to be flat out false. Woah. So before you go running away from the establishment to an outsider who you think is going to tell the truth because he’s not a career politician, consider the fact that he’s about as factually reliable as a toddler. One can only assume that the small percentage of truths consisted of things like this or this.

Now if you think Hillary isn’t transparent and that’s one of your biggest issues, then consider the candidate whose entire platform is built off of how successful a businessman he is, and we know nothing about his finances. In fact, his wealth is only estimated between $150 million and $250 million by independent journalists. On the other hand, Forbes places his estimate wealth at $3.7 billion. But, check this out. In 1999 Forbes said “We love Donald. He returns our calls. He usually pays for lunch. He even estimates his own net worth. But no matter how hard we try, we just can't prove it." That’s pretty shady right? On top of this, he’s the first party nominee to not release his tax returns in decades, his excuse being that he’s being audited by the IRS so he can’t. What does the IRS have to say about that? “Trump can release tax returns, regardless of audit” is what they had to say.

On top of his own financials, there are a ton of unanswered questions about his business dealings. In case you weren’t aware, when asked why people would vote for Trump, their answers almost always have to do with him being a successful businessman. First of all, Trump has an obscene amount of failed business ventures. A crazy amount. Here’s a list. Please, read it, I encourage you. Go ahead I’ll wait. Ok got it? Look at Trump vodka for example. If he’s such a good businessman, why isn’t everyone getting Trump Vodka shots at Trinity every weekend? Because it failed on account of he’s an awful businessman. But he is a great manipulator, which is how he gets people to keep backing failed ventures such as Trump University and Trump Steaks (which, no, weren’t sold at Whole Foods or some other high end grocery store…but rather, Sharper Image). Additionally, his investments, debts and business ties span the globe and present some serious ethical issues for someone serving as President because, you know, they deal with issues that would impact the whole world. Usually a President would put their business dealings in a blind trust during their term. Trump’s response? Give the businesses to his kids. This is not a blind trust, this is probably the antithesis of a blind trust.

Now let’s look at the Trump Foundation, his charitable foundation. “Awww he’s such a nice guy, he has his own charity” I hear you say. Well, consider the fact that he hasn’t given it any money since 2008. Or the fact that the Foundation spent more than a quarter of a million dollars in donation to … *drum roll please* … settle lawsuits against Trump businesses. That’s like if the Nike Foundation used all of its donations to fight lawsuits against charges of child labor. That’s a pretty shitty thing to do. That’s not a charitable cause is it? You know what else isn’t a charitable cause? Buying things for Trump, which yes happened. The charity spent $10,000 on a portrait of Trump. Now I’m a raging narcissist and even I recoiled at that. That’s bold man. What’s even more shocking? The fact that, that was the second occasion that Trump used foundation funds to purchase a portrait of himself. If he’s President he’s pretty likely to commission a bust of him to be added to Mt. Rushmore. Now let it be known this would be legal if it was put to charitable use. “Oh maybe he put it in an orphanage, or gave to a hospital” by now you should know that’s not the case. You wanna guess where it was? No it wasn’t in his bedroom. It was at Champions Bar & Grill. “Oh he gave it to a dive bar, that’s…odd” No, this bar is in one of his properties, which reeks of privilege and is the farthest thing from a rundown orphanage. But come on, those old white men are in need, aren’t they? No, don’t be stupid. Maybe they need less salt and a new kidney but that’s about all. The icing on the cake here is that he used funds from the foundation to pay off Florida’s Attorney General when investigating the train wreck that is Trump University.

Now there is a lot more, including filing bankruptcy 4 times, perhaps the perfect example of his inadequacy as a businessman, his various twitter meltdowns, his use of undocumented workers when building Trump tower (please, Merriam Webster, please use this as an example of irony), and not to mention his islamophobia.

I hear you saying, “I’ll never vote for a Democrat, I’m a born and bred Republican” First of all, are you aware that this isn’t a parliamentary democracy? Oh you are? Great! So you know that in our representative democracy we vote for the candidate not the party. If you’re really so insistent about voting for the party, leave.

Overall, he’s a bullshitter. His book shouldn’t be “The Art of the Deal”, it really should be “The Art of Bullshit” because let’s be honest here, if you listen to him talk, he sounds like any college student trying to fill space in a paper when we know we’re screwed but we have to get to the 5 page minimum.

But on top of being a bullshitter, he’s not charitable, he claims to be against the crooked political system yet there he is bribing Attorney Generals. Seriously, it’s not funny anymore. He’s a liar, he’s incompetent, he’s volatile, he’s pretty crooked, he’s a hypocrite, and he claims to be the only one who could fix the system, which would probably see a tyrannical presidency.

Please, this stopped being funny a while ago. Don’t vote for this man. A magic 8 ball would be better as President because at least it isn’t liable to nuke anyone over a slight disagreement.