For quite a few years now, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. Though I've known they have been a big part of my life for quite some time now, I am only just beginning to realize how pervasive mental illness can be. It has affected my relationships, friendships, and family life, as well as everything in between.
Yet here I sit, as a college student on Dean's List, with a well-paying job, strong friendships, and family who loves me. People often are surprised when I finally feel comfortable enough to open up and tell them just how bad my mental illnesses can get. I often get questions like "Why?" or people telling me honestly that they had no idea. And all I do is smile and tell them that I've been an expert at hiding it for years now.
That's the problem with today's outlook on mental illnesses: if you aren't falling apart externally, you must not be bad enough. Because if you can hold everything together on the outside and go through the motions, get out of bed and go to work or school and do well for yourself, you must not be bad enough to need help, right?
Right?
Mentalities like this are not only toxic to the people who find themselves still able to get good grades or hold down a job while they feel like they're breaking inside, but also to the people around them. We who are both mentally ill and high-functioning are coerced into believing that we don't need help, that we've gotten this far by ourselves, so we must not be bad enough yet, completely invalidating feelings that should always, always be validated.
Mentalities like this aren't just toxic -- they're dangerous.
The idea that my mental illnesses "aren't bad enough" have prevented me from getting the help I truly needed for years. Only in the moments where I finally broke down was I entirely taken seriously, and those moments were often colored with disbelief or the idea that I was being melodramatic. I was getting straight A's almost entirely through high school and into college, and I was happy most of the time, so what was the big deal?
The idea that we who can still do things despite our mental illnesses being not bad enough needs to be obliterated. This only invalidates us who struggle just as much internally as those of us who struggle externally. Everyone deals with physical pain in different ways, so why should this not be true of other pains? If this idea is wiped off the map, it will not only begin to cultivate healthier ways of dealing with mental illnesses like anxiety and depression but also will help those of us who have felt invalidated over the years to finally realize it's okay to need and seek out help.
Everyone deserves to feel like they're allowed to seek out help, no matter how high or low functioning they may be. Just because we manage our mental illnesses differently than others doesn't mean that we're stronger or better than anyone else. We all struggle differently, and if stigmas against mental health help are destroyed, we can all begin to create a happier, healthier world.
