This year will be my first Easter away from my family. It is sad that I won’t be able to enjoy this celebration in the ways I have in the past, but it is a sign of my own growth.

I decided to go away to college and from being on my own I had to take my faith into my own hands. I had to choose whether to go to mass or not, whether to pray and justify the way I acted with my faith when I wasn’t surrounded by other people who held the same beliefs as me.

Here's a summary that comes from my reflection on my faith journey:

I grew up surrounded by a strong Catholic family on my father’s side. His parents and siblings all went to church, we said grace at meals, and talked about God and religion often. From a young age, it was just ingrained in me to believe in God and to go to mass and say my prayers. I didn’t really think much of it, it was just a part of who I am.

From kindergarten until the eighth grade I went to Catholic school. I took religion classes and went to daily mass. I went through my sacraments and became an alter server. I learned a lot about my religion and I just took it all at face value: learning and memorizing what I was taught.

Then I went to public high school and I wasn’t surrounded with my religion every day. I still went to church and for while I participated in a youth group. I loved the people in the group but the organization wasn’t for me.

I started my confirmation process, and even though Confirmation is when you choose to enter into the Catholic church as an adult, to me it was just the next step in what I was supposed to do. I didn’t even think about deciding not to participate, or to wait. I just did it. Through the process, I went on a few retreats, and the smaller ones were great, I felt like I got a new understanding of how Christ and I were supposed to be interacting. But it was really just a phase, a “Jesus High” that I rode for a few weeks then went back into my normal systematic routine.

Later I started to question more. What was I supposed to be doing with my faith? How did I really feel Jesus? Was there more I was supposed to be doing?

When I went to college I continued to have these questions but I kept going to church when I first got there, because it was part of my Sunday routine.

Then I started to skip a mass here and there, until there was about a month when I realized I hadn’t gone at all.

I wasn’t turning away from my faith per say, just neglecting it. When I realized how long it had been since I had gone, I was determined to change that.

I noticed that the weeks I did go to mass were so much better than the weeks that I hadn’t been going. It was one of my first realizations that I needed to be more intentional with my faith experience.

I started showing up a little early to review the readings before mass started so I could really soak up what I was being told. I made it a priority to go to mass every Sunday, because it influenced my week. It was my first little move to take my faith into my own hands.

For a period of time I thought I just believed what I did because it was so ingrained into me. But I have been on my own for two years now and I am now sure that that is not true.

I am a stubborn individual and am not easily convinced to take something based on someone’s word alone, without questioning how I feel about it as well.

I believe in the Catholic faith because I choose to, not because others told me to.

I recognize that I take faith for granted sometimes, because it is such a part of who I am that I don’t realize the process that it can take others to get to where I am.

Some people want a grand gesture or a sign, but I don’t need that.

I believe

because when I go to church it makes my week better,

because when I say a prayer it makes me feel safe,

because when I talk to God I feel that I am heard,

because when I read the Bible it gives me comfort and guidance,

because when I talk about my faith I feel a passion for what I believe in.

That might not be enough for some people, but it is for me.

My personal goal is not to convert anyone or change make them believe what I do, it’s to create that personal relationship between myself and my God, and if along the way, I can share what I feel with other people, then that is a bonus.

As I continue to grow I realize that working on your relationship with God is a constant process.

It isn’t something that I will take for granted anymore.

This Lenten season I started daily spiritual readings and I went to a bible study when I could.

This Easter season I want to continue that, start reading the Bible and look into the history of the Catholic church.

I have created a thirst for more knowledge about the most important part of my life, my relationship with God.

I can confidently say that I chose my faith, for me and me alone.

Now I want to take it to the next step.