As I sit on my bed in New Jersey still engulfed by boxes full of (way too many) clothes and dorm decor, I am not only thinking forward to heading back to my home away from home but also back at the times that defined my first year at Syracuse. Back in May, leaving for the summer snuck up on me pretty quickly. Now that I have some time to relax this summer, I've done some deep reflection on just what my freshman year of college really meant to me. Here's a quick recap of my first ten months in college and what I've learned through the good and the bad, because I intend to put every lesson from last year to use, starting next month.
August
My college journey began on August 22 as I unpacked so many items for such a tiny room. Syracuse had always been my top school and I had been counting down the days until move-in, but my head was crowded with conflicting thoughts. This was my parents' second first college move-in extravaganza, so they definitely felt more prepared than I did (perks of being the second kid). I was in a relationship at the time, which made leaving the New Jersey town I had called home for almost my entire life extremely bittersweet. The close friends I had bonded with were going all over the country, and as excited as we all were, we knew it would be an adjustment from seeing each other every single day in high school. Every single thing I did during the last couple of days of August was a first, from the first time sharing a room to my first college class. Welcome Week kept us so busy that there was almost no time to feel homesick, but I honestly was okay with that.
September
By the middle of the month, the allure of all of my "firsts" was over as I started to get into a routine and develop habits. Homesickness definitely hit me hard as I felt more and more disconnected from my friends and family that had been around me for so long. Plus, adding an extremely messy (but very much needed) break up with a toxic person did not add well to the mix. In the aftermath, I got even closer with the people who would end up being some of my best friends at school. Plus, I got to explore the dating scene of college and while I may have been a bit overzealous at first, I really came into my own and felt like for the first time in a long time, I was completely independent.
October
October began Syracuse's extremely short fall, and I was the first one to bring out my cute booties and autumnal color schemes. My entire family visited me the weekend before Parent's Weekend, which sounds weird but it worked out for the better; my parents, sister, sister's friends, aunt, uncle, cousins, and grandparents came decked out in orange. To make things even better, my mom had brought me snacks upon snacks and a bunch of other necessities to make my dorm feel homier. We reconnected in a way that I had needed to cure my homesickness and I was starting to feel like Syracuse was a place to call my own. One amazing thing that did come to me this month was inadvertently meeting the person I am now extremely in love with in a very *non-traditional* way (more explanation to come later).
November
Honestly, nothing crazy eventful happened this month, but going home for Thanksgiving came at just the right time; you never truly appreciate your mother's cooking until you haven't had it for three months. Seeing my friends back after their first few months at their own schools reignited the excitement I had felt on commitment day during senior year. Hearing everyone else's different experiences really made me sit back and think "wow, we're ACTUALLY in college."
December
Syracuse's descent into a winter wonderland had started to speed up, and the sun seemed to go into hibernation. By then, I felt way more comfortable on campus than I had before; I knew (most) buildings, I had a few favorite study/food spots, and I was making friends in various ways. I had made so many good memories already and I was ready to make even more. Having a month-long winter break just seemed out of the question- what would I do at home for that long? Then, finals season hit me extremely hard as my grandpa passed away and I was unable to attend the funeral. My heart was absolutely broken and more than anything, I just wanted to go home to be with my family. Being stuck in a freezing cold tundra was the last thing I wanted to be. Once I was finally home, I was so ready to relax with my friends and family. I was super happy with my GPA, loved being able to see friends I had missed during Thanksgiving break, and felt content.
January
As winter break was winding down, I was more than ready to go back to school. I had made my (non-ideal) spring semester schedule and was ready to get started. When I got back to campus, formal sorority recruitment had already begun. For two weekends, over 1,000 other PNMs and I ran all over campus to different combinations of the 13 houses at Syracuse. Not only was sprinting in heels for a few days physically exhausting but also mentally tiring as I worried about which chapters liked me. Every chapter was its own community and I had to find one that I felt I would fit right into. Lucky for me, that choice was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made- I received a bid to join Delta Phi Epsilon, following in my older sister's footsteps. I was super excited to get started and get to know more girls. Also in January, I summoned the courage to ask Chris, the boy I had been seeing and honestly already fallen for, to be my boyfriend. I honestly felt like I was on top of the world.
February
February was relatively uneventful, but the cold Syracuse winter really got me down this month. The snow, painful wind, and subzero temperatures really messed with my mood but one upside was that I was a DPhiE pledge during this time. We started with over 60 girls in our pledge class, and each weekly meeting was spent getting to know each other and learning more about the organization. This was when I started to love my sorority even more and feel even more like I belonged.
March
My birthday month came as midterms were starting up, and spring break was in near reach. Amidst all the stress, my sorority had big/little week and I was initiated! It felt absolutely amazing to officially be a part of the sisterhood I had become so proud to be involved in and have a great group of girls in my fam to look up to (shoutout to the Disney princess fam). All of the shirts, sweatshirts, and other merch became staples in my wardrobe. Eventually, spring break came around and as I sat in the car once my parents picked me up from a bus stop, they told me through pained expressions and tears that my grandma had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They had both spent the last week with my grandma in and out of the hospital and different doctor's appointments. I was absolutely crushed and spent the entire week with my family. Once it was time for me to go back to school, I was anxious to leave my grandma but felt like I had to push through for her.
April
Once again, finals week kicked me while I was down. My grandma passed away after her short but strong battle. She had been a constant all my life, always there for every dance recital, band concert, graduation, and celebration. I had to leave campus and miss a final then come back the next week to make it up, but that was the last thing on my mind. My friend from home and school sent me so many thoughtful messages and checked up on me to make sure I was okay, which is something I still am grateful for to this day. It still is so difficult to think that I'll never again see her dance like nobody's watching to Frank Sinatra, give us advice, or hear her sing "A Bushel And A Peck." But, thanks to her, my entire family looked at each other and tried to stand by her motto: "just be happy." More than anything, her passing has made me realize the importance of positivity and its place in my relationships with other people because where there's positivity, there's her watching over me.
May
My first year at Cuse quickly came to an end on May 6, one of the sunniest days since August. Losing my grandma definitely took a toll on me as I sat for my last final and wrote my last essays, but I had my family and friends cheering me on the whole way. As I sat in the car for the four and a half hour drive home, I knew in my heart that even though my freshman year had brought many roadblocks for me, every good and bad thing that I had gone through had helped me grow. Starting a new chapter of your life is never free from challenges, and even though many of the difficult things I went through were out of my control, I knew that how I dealt with them was in my control. So now, I choose to look at the sad memories as more reasons to appreciate what I have and to use the happy times as fuel to create even more joyful memories with the people I love. My friendship circle has only grown and my bond with my family has only strengthened, and I hold so much gratitude for everyone that has helped shape my freshman year into what it was. While the ten months may have had their ups and downs, they are only the beginning for everything to come.
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