Coming from a university that's nearly 70% Greek, the decision to participate in sorority recruitment was an easy one. Looking back, I wish I had taken the time to look at the system for what it really is.

Any woman who's been through recruitment can tell you the horror stories: broken heels, the panic that courses through your veins in front of your choice house, and the constant fear that you'll either end up in the wrong house or no house at all. Don't get me wrong, the system isn't necessarily designed to torture the women who choose to participate, but the overall result is sometimes less-than-desirable. It is petty, stereotypical, and superficial all while being heartfelt, sincere, and touching.

Everyone experiences recruitment differently, but I am hesitant to say that I am alone. I went into the process with the mind my Rho Gammas encouraged me to have: an open one. I knew the stereotypes, but I knew they couldn't all be true. That first day of recruitment was one of the best days I've ever had in college. Talking to all the different girls from the houses and learning how we were alike and how we differed made me truly believe that I could find my future home easily through this system. I left feeling confident in myself as a woman, and I called my mom that night to share my excitement. Little did I know the rose-colored lenses would disappear the following day.

I looked around the room, searching for faces that never appeared. Some of these women never came back. They either decided the process wasn't for them or were cut from the process the day before, having 0/6 houses ask them to return. My heart broke for those girls, knowing full-well that they received a call with the worst result possible. On the other hand, I was feeling confident that the houses listed on my nametag, hidden with my Rho Gamma, would give me the choices I wanted.

As my Rho Gamma handed me my name card, I turned it over to reveal the least desirable outcome (at the time): one house, one that I wasn't expecting. Tears instantly sprung to my eyes and I worked to keep my breathing steady as I made my way to our "home base" location. I saw the other women with up to four houses on their cards, hugging and jumping and breathing huge sighs of relief, knowing they avoided the card that I was handed. I quickly sat in the first seat I saw, holding my card close to keep the others from seeing my fate. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and shocked.

I sat through the first round, wondering what I had done wrong. Other women were happily running to their first houses, but I was stuck evaluating my worth. That was notably the worst day I've had during college. I went to the house and met more wonderful women, but my mind was still stuck on the moment I lost faith in the system, and more damagingly, myself. I kept my chin up until I got back to my dorm, but then I fell apart.

I let myself wallow in self-pity, watched The Office, and thought about the decision I had to make. Ultimately, I decided to stick it through for a third day. I got up the next morning at 6 AM, put on my formal wear and did full hair and makeup, ready to give my best impression. I walked across campus to the meeting location, and then I lost my drive. I went back and forth over my future in my head, and ended up signing away my chance at a house placement during formal recruitment. That's when I breathed my sigh of relief. The pressure, stress, and torture was over. I was free. I watched my friends continue on and find their homes, and I was genuinely happy for them. So, sorority life just wasn’t for me. I accepted my reality and moved on. But something was missing.

That same house reached out to me a few weeks later with something called Continuous Open Bidding. It's an informal recruitment. And it was offered to me. I went to a week's worth of events, meeting the sisters in a casual environment where I felt I could truly be myself, and where they could show me the quirky, funny, and silly sides one might feel forced to hide during recruitment. It was through this process that I found my home, and I couldn't be happier.

Had I made this decision during recruitment, it would've been a decision packed with emotion, FOMO, and pressure. This was a decision I got to make for myself, the way I wanted to make it. Recruitment doesn't suit everyone, but that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Recruitment wasn't for me, but Greek Life is, and I'm loving my home more than I ever thought I would. Don't let the system tell you who you are. Create a name for yourself.

Recruitment might have failed me, but I found my home on my own time.