I have been single or quite some time now. Almost as long as I've been eating cheese fries. Before I started to feel bad about myself, I put two and two together. Maybe I didn't need a significant other, maybe cheese fries were my true calling in life. I am pretty sure they are.

Literally, edible porn.

They have the ability to make your heart burst (rupture) –– same thing though.

What's the difference? Both relationships and cheese fries have the ability to tear your heart open. However, there is a difference. Relationships can tear your heart open and leave you in the worst pain for days, weeks, months, maybe even years at a time. With cheese fries, your heart may hurt for a few, if that. But you'll be up and running in no time.

You can eat them anytime you want.

Cheese fries for breakfast? Cheese fries for lunch? Cheese fries for dinner? No problem! You can put them in a container and eat them wherever you want!

They never fail to disappoint.

They are always warm. The c

Cheese is always melted and they can't help but bring a smile to your face, every time.

I know you get excited every time you order cheese fries.

They don't judge you.

Cheese fries don't tell you, you're ugly. They don't make sarcastic remarks, and they don't go behind your back to check your phone to see how many side bae's you have. In fact, the only side you need is ranch, or some sort of dip.

You don't have to constantly impress them.

The cheese fries need to keep impressing you. You need to seek their approval.

They won’t break up with you.

They won't left you stranded, in the dark with no one else to go to. In fact, you can go to cheese fries in times of need, and they will always be there for you, for nourishment and satisfaction.

They won’t cheat on you.

Don't we all hate cheaters? These babies won't turn around and stab you in the back. They may feel like they stabbed you in the heart (after eating them) but that's alright.

They make you feel better and tingly inside.

If you have a tingly sensation, you may need to use the restroom in a few minutes, but they leave you full and full of satisfaction.

There’s extra excitement if there’s bacon.

And ranch.

That's a double whammy.

Fully loaded. Maybe with chili to add a little spice. You’ll be left a better person.

But seriously. You'll be a better person.

Yet, you’ll want more. Tomorrow. Even better, they're seasonal.

Cuddle buddy? Nah, I have cheese fries to keep me warm.

Hot in the summer? drink a cold one while you eat them, and I'm sure you'll be perfect.

You don't need a beach bod to seek their approval!

I can guarantee that.

Because, real eyes, realize cheese fries.