15 Reasons To Not Have A threesome, If you've been considering it
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15 Reasons To NOT Have A Threesome, If You've Ever Thought Twice About It

It only takes two to tango

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15 Reasons To NOT Have A Threesome, If You've Ever Thought Twice About It
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Threesomes. They're erotic and they've starred in your fantasies for quite some time, so you're considering bringing these dreams to life by recruiting two strangers, two friends, or your S.O. and someone else to get that party started.

But there is a lot that you need to think about before engaging in a threeway—and personally, these 15 arguments against threesomes are enough to keep me monogamous.

So if you're skeptical about la menage a trois, see if any of the following points make or break your desire to have a threesome:

1. Someone's probably getting left out

In a perfect world, there would be no awkwardness in transitioning from one partner to the next. But in reality, coordinating each participant's every move isn't possible unless it's written out play-by-play— which really isn't sexy at all. So, more likely than not, there's going to be a few hiccups and several many awkward moments of inactivity for each of you throughout the encounter. I hope you enjoy spectating…

2. Inviting a friend can make the aftermath awkward

Having wild, freaky sex with a stranger can be unsettling enough, but throw your S.O.'s best friend or your ex into the mix and you can't expect it to be all good and peachy for long. Sure, the sex itself might have been tolerable, but what about afterwards when you have to see these people in your daily life? You won't be able to look at them in the same light again. The memories will always be attached to them and existing friendships or romances can be made incredibly awkward by even the best threeways.

3. It's exhausting

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Because of the nature of the situation, a threesome can be very physically, mentally, and even emotionally demanding. You're volunteering your body to two other people and offering both of them sexual pleasure at roughly the same time. The moment you relax, the strain of having sex with two partners at once will definitely catch up to you. You'll find yourself more drained than you've ever felt after sex— which can be a problem if you need to make a hasty exit.

4. You've got TWO people's pleasure to worry about

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It's difficult enough to ensure that your singular partner has the big "O," but imagine you've got someone else in bed with you who is just as anxious for sexual satisfaction. Two people are there and are simultaneously demanding your fullest attention, but don't worry—no pressure. Hopefully a spark ignites between them during the course of your evening and they can take care of themselves. Otherwise the pressure of this new experience just might be enough to kill your libido mid-act.

5. You all won't finish at the same time

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So you achieved a mind-blowing orgasm, which felt incredible, but now you're left lying there on your back to wonder what comes next. Meanwhile, your companions are still going at it pretty hard with no ending in sight, so...now what? You're too winded to join back in, but you also feel left out and feel obtrusive just looking in on all of the action. It's quite the "lose/win/win" situation, don't you think?

6. It's not fun being the third wheel

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People are at their most vulnerable when they're about to have sex; they're completely naked and are volunteering to share their whole body with their partner(s). That being said, the idea of being overlooked for another man or woman in the same sexual encounter is too degrading to bear. And let's face it— nobody enjoys third-wheeling to a couple when they're all going out to dinner, let alone sharing a bed and tossing around some condoms.

7. You could be forced to experiment with different genders / positions

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A three-way requires its participants to make compromises in the bedroom to ensure that everyone involved leaves without any regrets. So if you're a woman engaged in a threesome with your boyfriend and another man, one of them might want to position you a certain way so that you're accessible to both of them. Or if you're a man getting it on with two women, one of the ladies might get frisky and wander her fingers a little further south than you were ready for. And maybe you're not okay with kissing or intimately touching members of the same or other sex. Threesomes can challenge you at your very core, posing threats to your beliefs, your sexual expression, and even to your morals.

8. It destroys intimacy between two partners

You let another person observe you and your S.O. at your most intimate. You don't know if you're imagining the countless sideways glances he gave your third person during the night or if he's really lost interest in what was so familiar to him. And what does it mean that he keeps saying how much he wants a repeat performance? Were they enjoying themselves a bit too much to ever want you again? Are you not enticing them enough to keep their attraction from fading? The endless questions in your mind will bounce around until you're going near crazy trying to piece together what you see as a broken relationship.

9. There's the risk of jealousy

For the first time since you got together, your romantic partner is not fully invested in pleasing you— and that can be a rather hard pill to swallow. Seeing your S.O. interact with another man or woman and get off on someone else can be downright devastating. The trust bond you once shared has been shattered, and you look at your third with a newfound hatred. And maybe your lover won't have a secret affair with them and won't profess their love for them, but the paranoia that it will happen just might push you over the edge.

10. One-on-one sex might never seem satisfying again

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After you and your lover take part in a threesome, your sex life will never be the same. You now have to worry if you alone are still capable of giving your partner the pleasure they crave. You fear that, when your partner suggests you invite your third back to your place again, they are too caught up in them to remember that you have their heart. Before you know it, the spark that once ignited your passion in the bedroom has gone and orgasms are harder and harder to come by on your own.

11. A vicious love triangle may follow

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Our favorite TV shows portray love triangles as romantic and able to be untangled in the end. But they are much more complicated than that and often aren't unraveled without one or more people getting their hearts broken in the process. It's not cute to war over your boyfriend with his best female friend. It's not sexy to have two men push and shove each other and demand you to choose which one of them you want to be with. Threesomes open your relationship up to outside influences— and these aren't always good for you and your partner in the long run.

12. "Ground rules" might be ditched in the heat of the moment

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You might have said that your girlfriend giving oral to the other male was off the table, but then the clothes come off and your caution's thrown to the wind and you find her trying to convince you that it's a good idea. Or perhaps you're completely against anal play and had your partners swear up and down they wouldn't try it on you, but in the heat of the moment, they're pressuring you to let them touch you there. Whatever your limitations are, they should NOT be ignored for any reason. And while your S.O. may respect your boundaries, there's no telling what a stranger or even an acquaintance might try to get past you.

13. You need a LOT of space

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If you're a college student, you already know that twin XL beds can just barely fit two people trying to snuggle. Now try having to fit a third person on there while still ensuring that everyone is comfortable and not falling onto the floor during sex. Unless you can somehow find a king-sized bed on a budget, your only other option would be a spacious floor or carpet…which is fun and rigid and probably stained and unwashed. So basically, if you're in a pinch for space, having a threesome would be much less glamorous than it is in the movies.

14. You might not even have an orgasm at all

Your expectation is that you will have the most mind-blowing orgasm and be spiritually awakened by the magic of polyamorous sex. It's a threesome, you thought, it just has to be spectacular. And then you realize that Chad is too busy nailing Brittany to really focus on you at all, or that Brett has gone limp after all of the excitement with Stacy, and you find yourself having to take care of yourself in the apartment bathroom. All of the sexual energy in the room is being divided among three people who all want to come harder than they ever had. So, naturally, only one or none of you is going to realistically be able to climax.

15. You could feel ashamed afterwards

Enjoying sex does not make you a bad, promiscuous, or disgusting person. But that doesn't mean your straying from conventional sex won't put self-deprecating thoughts on your mind. You might feel dirty, worthless, or used—and while none of that is true, it'll be hard to shake off those feelings in a post-sex haze. There's a lot of stigma still surrounding sex that could be weighing down on you, too. Sticking to one-on-one sex would be the best (and maybe only) way to prevent these thoughts altogether.

What you do in the bedroom is your own business, unless you choose to share your sex life with a romantic partner or with close friends. But either way, you have the right to embrace your sexuality and express yourself as you please. In no way does that make you cheap or slutty. Exploring your body and the bodies of others is beautiful and is truly a privilege that we all deserve to have and enjoy consensually.

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