Picture this: You're sitting on your couch eating popcorn and watching Netflix. It's been a long day but you finally have some time to relax. All of a sudden, for no real reason at all, your heart starts to race. You try to concentrate on the show you're watching but all you can hear is your own breath begin to quicken. You then realize your palms are sweating and tears begin to fall from your eyes. You stand up...try to get some fresh air...distract yourself. Something, anything would be better than what's about to happen. It lasts for about 10 minutes but it feels like hours. The body shakes, the hyperventilation, the feeling of no self-control are just three symptoms you might feel that time because every attack is different. After it all ends, your body and mind are exhausted. This is just a glimpse of what it feels like to have a panic attack.
In today's world, we are much more okay with facing mental illness, which is great but it's still not enough. The stigma behind any mental illness is still the same: Well why can't you just control it? Newsflash: Don't you think I want to? I would LOVE to wake up one day and not have to take a small yellow pill that runs my life and trust me I've tried and failed every time.
After many battles with hiding my anxiety and panic attacks, I've decided it's just not worth the hassle. This is who I am and this is who I will always be. If you've been there or know a loved one who's been there please read this and know that there are others who struggle just the same. Never and I mean NEVER be ashamed of your anxiety because it's a part of you. When I started seeing my anxiety as something I could beat instead of something that held me back my life changed. I have my bad days sure, but there are a million reasons why I refuse to let my anxiety win. Nobody wants to read that so I'll try to narrow it down a bit.
I made it through high school.
Sounds like a pretty simple task right? Except when you couldn't sleep the night before because you had 3 panic attacks in one night. (Shout out to my mom for always sitting up with me. You're amazing). High school is ruthless. You're awkward, you have no idea who you really are, and not to mention there are people who don't understand your anxiety and will most likely bully you for it. At the end of the day, none of it matters. As long as you graduate and do your best, you'll get through high school. In all honesty I didn't even walk across stage to get my diploma. Instead I had a panic attack and left. At the time it was so embarrassing, but now I realized I left my high school in the most fitting way possible. I also realized that even though it was a super big deal to me, I still got the diploma and I still got into college so really it didn't change a thing. At the time your anxiety may feel like it's ruining your good time, but in reality it's just making your story that much more interesting.
College was a walk in the park.
The above statement is 100% false. But guess what? This time I actually walked across stage and received my diploma. Progress people! I struggled a bit through my freshmen year but once I built up a friend group and got used to being away from home, I fell in love with the life I was living. In fact, I'm even planning on continuing a career in Higher Education. If I had let my anxiety get the best of me, none of this would have happened. So the lesson here my friends is don't judge college by your freshmen year. You'll be a completely different person by the time you reach senior year and it's a wonderful journey. Enjoy it while you can. On the flip side of that, college is not for everyone. What worked for me may not work for you and that's totally fine. I encourage you to try it but don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't work out. There are plenty of successful people in this world without college degrees.
The battle gets easier.
As a 3rd grader, fighting my anxiety was no walk in the park. The main reason it was so hard had a lot do with my age but also I was trying to fight it. I used to get so angry with myself and it would ruin my whole day. Through trial and error, I've learned that there's no point in fighting it. If you're having an anxious day, let it happen. Spending your time fighting it will literally exhausted you. This may be out of character for you but I learned to just tell someone how I'm feeling. Usually it's a close friend. Even if it's just a "hey I'm feeling anxious today" text. They've helped me through a lot of my darker days.
Someone will love you.
There was a time where I thought no one would be able to handle my anxiety and sometimes that fear still creeps up on me. It took me a long time to realize that if they can't love every part of me, then they don't deserve my love. If you love someone who has anxiety be patient. Overtime you will learn their triggers and how to help. On the flip side of that, I had to learn to love my anxiety. I know that sounds super weird but it's a part of me that I will not apologize for and shouldn't have to.
We only get one life to live.
The last thing I want to do with my life is spend it inside by myself because I'm afraid of what might happen if I have a panic attack in public. I'm a classic over thinker with a side of self sabotage but the best thing I did for myself was learn that sitting inside does me no good. The best experiences I've had were the ones where I pushed myself to my limits and forgot about my anxiety.
Whether you've never had anxiety, only have it when you're stressed, or struggle to get through the day, I ask that you be sympathetic to others. You never know the battle someone might be fighting. If you have anxiety never let someone tell you that you can't do it. I was told that I probably wouldn't make it through college. Now I'm off to get my masters. Refusing to let your anxiety win is one of the best promises you can make to yourself. Your anxiety is not your weakness, it's just a part of who you are.
