There is definitely a certain level of hatred for the spring that women like me share. When you can accurately describe the color of your legs as “so-pale-it's-purple” you are entitled to be semi-constantly pissed off all spring until you can finally catch a tan. These are 5 of the many reasons I resent the spring.

1. Legs make their debut, and without fail, mine are the palest.

I am sure a lot of girls feel like their legs are paler than everyone else’s, but they clearly have not seen mine. It is so common this time of year for girls to air their grievances on having to shave again, and having pasty legs thanks to a long winter of leggings. Whenever I get caught in one of these conversations, I consider flashing a little bit of leg to show them just how pasty, pasty can be. Maybe I would actually show some skin if I wasn't afraid that anyone within a mile radius would lose their ability to see.

2. Tis' the season for skirts and skin tone envy.

I find myself thinking things like, “if only my legs were tan enough to conceal the purple tint from my veins, then I wouldn't be so bitter.” I wish I could say that I could stop at being displeased with my own appearance, but I am not that good of a person. I have caught myself actually resenting people who have skin that doesn't glow in the dark. If I can't show my legs in public, then why can you?

3. Wanting to dress for the weather, but not wanting to expose your legs to the world yet.

Every morning during the spring I spend a minimum of 20 minutes trying on different shorts, skirts, and dresses, only to wind up pissed off and in full length pants. There are just some things the world is not ready for, and my legs are one of them. Some might actually consider me to be a public servant, thanks to my valiant efforts to protect the population from the terror that is my bare skin.

4. The frustration that comes with wanting to buy brightly colored clothes, only to remember how they will reflect off of your skin.

There are few things more upsetting than falling in love with a piece of clothing and realising that you won't be able to pull it off because it would only make your skin look worse. It is true what they say, it's the things you love that hurt you the most.

5. Not being able to decide whether or not tanning your worries away is the right call.

Tanning in a bed or using self-tanning products is a high-risk event for someone with my coloring. Being viciously burnt, or even a little orange, is socially acceptable in the summer, but not in the beginning of spring. After several attempts at making myself desireable with every self tanning product I could get my hands on, I have come to the conclusion that these products were not intended for someone like me. Tanning in a bed is really the only way to get the job done, but going to a tanning salon as often as I would have to would mean bad news for my bank account, in addition to the inherent risk of getting burnt and developing skin cancer. So at least once every few days I try to talk myself out of tanning by remembering what I look like when my skin is molting post-burn.

I wish that after this rant I would want to wrap up by saying ‘but even though all of this sucks, I love my pale skin’, ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ or something of that nature, but I am far too narcissistic for something like that. What I can say, is that if nothing else, my gross legs are a conversation starter. Comparing the flip-side of my arm to prove I am one of the palest people to walk the earth has become a fun party trick. Although, not as fun as I am making it seem.

So for the remainder of spring, until my legs aren't purple, and until wearing shorts wouldn't put me at risk of getting arrested for indecent exposure, I plan to continue complaining and dwelling in my own misery.