I know I'm not alone when I say that the listicle may just as well be the single worst thing to happen to journalism since Fox News. Listicles are the Mariah Carey to the internet's "American Idol": maybe the first one was decent, but also has spawned blindingly bad imitations and a trend of increasingly boring low-quality copycats. I'm also not alone when I say that they are frustratingly addictive.
It's all too easy for my eyes to glaze over while reading "15 Hedgehogs Standing Next To Things That Also Look Like Hedgehogs" and for my finger to automatically tap on the next one on the list, until I've read through 3 variations of "The [insert number] Best Childhood Lunchtime Snacks of the '90s." I've regrettably wasted many an hour reading through the worst excuses for journalism the internet has to offer, and I've picked 3 reasons why listicles are the worst for your easy reading convenience!
1. Lazy journalism
Slap together a gaggle of pixelated .GIFs from 'New Girl' and you've got "22 Reasons Why Jess Day Is You On Your Period"! There is so much room for depth and thought to go into writing articles but the internet seems hell-bent on churning out a bottomless buffet of glorified bullet-lists. It's mindless, empty reading.
Yes, I know that every article can't be a profound expose on an underground crime ring or some controversial take on a hot-button political issue, but listicles just make it too easy to write shallowly on a cheap pop topic. Totally fine if you enjoy that! But I'm still allowed to be mad about it.
2. Borderline plagiarism
Speaking of lazy journalism, most articles of this pedigree consist of just crude screenshots of original content from other sources, grouped together by a theme juuuust broad enough for all 35 screenshots to be grouped together. Doesn't matter if what the author is doing is merely copy-and-pasting jokes and one-liners from Twitter, Tumblr, or wherever else instead of coming up with actual funny content themselves. God forbid they have had to put in brain-work or try to think a clever thought! Instead, here's "35 Tumblr Jokes That I Didn't Come Up With But Will Get Me Hits On This Article Despite Putting In Minimal Effort!"
3. It's an unnecessary format
Everything that can be said in listicle form can be said in a traditional format. Everything. Do you have "10 Reasons Why I Should Vote For Trump For Reelection"? I'm sure you do have 10 reasons! Why not just organize them into cohesive points and make an argument that flows toward your (inevitably flawed) conclusion? Impress me with your diction and prose! Dazzle me with transitions! But you've just stopped at the planning stage of your persuasive essay, slapped that sloppy copy on a text template, and pressed publish without breaking a sweat or thinking about how this might develop into something more, something better, something worth putting your name on. But please, continue to stop right before the finish line and still think you've won.
I'm probably being too tough on these writers. After all, I know what its like to feel the dread of an impending deadline and rush throw together something vaguely comprehensible to meet my weekly article quota. That being said, listicles can be helpful if thought and work are put into making the best use of the format, which is, in essence, a glorified bullet list.
Compilation lists:
If I need to know the best websites on the internet to help maximize productivity in a workplace, or a couple links to interesting reads or other media, compilation lists are a gold mine for lots of information to be condensed into one streamlined article. Avoiding the headache of searching for cool stuff myself is a major plus of the listicle format, since its clear that the author put time into collecting an anthology of links with her stamp of approval on each one. Now I'll know some of the "Top 10 Best Non-Touristy Places to Go To In New York" for my imaginary weekend trip, and I can browse the "15 Coolest Things To Do On The Internet" to waste even more of my time online! Just please give me more than the empty calories of article writing.
Look, I'm not saying that lists are evil. I love writing lists! I love the false impression of productivity they give me! I love the false impression of productivity they give their readers! But popularity and ease of access don't mitigate the fact that most of them are articles of terrible, slapdash quality that no one asked for.
To my fellow writers: be better. Write listicles that are helpful! That show that you've clearly put in more than 10 minutes of thought. More than meaningless, empty clickbait. I'm looking at you, BuzzFeed.
