As the days counting down until school begin to resemble the plot of that famous Agatha Christie novel, fraternities begin to plan how they will bring fun back to school like Justin Timberlake brought sexy. To make things easier for the social chairs who work day-in-and-day-out to prove the legitimacy of their respective brotherhoods, I thought I’d help out by offering some party ideas drawn from a Jewish tween’s rite of passage celebration:

Photo Booths

Nothing says “we're friends” like pictures together. Photo booths provide the right amount of lighting, and an amazing assortment of get-ups for the party people to get the right outfit together for the shot. If the picture isn’t exactly what you had in mind, don’t worry—the happy photo-booth operator is there to get it right.

Beastly DJs

Who needs dubstep when you can hire a DJ with a name like Sticky Fingers who plays a smooth mix of Pitbull, Neil Diamond and that song “I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan? No more headache-inducing, beat-dropping, claptrap music — a bar mitzvah DJ knows how to read a crowd almost as well as Derek Zoolander can read a book.

Don’t forget Emcees

Imagine the possibilities of an emceed frat party. Nothing makes a house look cooler than having one man grab the microphone and make a fool of himself. It will be the talk of the party and people engaged in awkward conversations will be saved by the distraction the emcee provides.

Motivators

As the friend of a former motivator, I can tell that these dancers are integral to the success of a party. They help raise the roof and get the people moving with a certain set of moves that look like a Dance Dance Revolution routine.

Snowball

Nervous about dancing with your crush at the first mixer of the year? Snowball can solve all your problems. This dancing game is a good crutch guys and girls can use to pretend it wasn’t their idea to dance with their partners, but still be able to dance with them. As a bonus, the party hosts can enforce a full-arm distance rule by which the couples must extend their arms fully while holding on to one another.

Finger foods

Got the munchies? A long table of hot, fresh mozzarella sticks and mini pizza bagels is waiting for you.

Free Food

Munchies on a college budget.

The potential of an open bar

This would definitely alleviate the necessity and stress over a dorm-room pregame. However, this would not work if the campus were dry.

Bartenders at the potential open bars

Wow, would things be made easier. New baby fraternity members would get to enjoy their time away from pouring drinks.

Raising people in chairs

Can you say, “Going up on a Tuesday”? By lifting people up in chairs, that ILOVEMAKKONEN song might make a little more sense, and there would be added entertainment to an otherwise typical college night out. However, the fraternity may need to take out some extra insurance in case it starts raining men.

Chocolate fountains

Always a nice way to end a party. Head off to your next location with a questionable brown spot on your face and some happiness in your belly. Just remember to be careful with the fondue sticks.

Photographers and Videographers

This one’s for the girls. No more asking the friend who always gets left out of the group to take pictures of the rest of the crew. You have a middle-aged man to do that now, and everyone feels included — it’s a win-win!

Free clothing

I don’t know about everyone else, but I still have all my bar-mitzvah sweatshirts. Sure, it’s a little weird wearing a sweatshirt that says “Danny’s Baller Bash 03.24.07,” but hey, it was free. I also got KB socks with it, and it sure is comfortable.

Free things to freshen up with in the bathroom

This is every girl's dream. No more asking each other for things to touch up with — you have a mini-mart at your finger tips. Need hairspray? Just steal a spritz after washing your hands.

Hugs from Drunk Grandparents >>> Hugs from Drunk Grandbigs

It’s always respectful to say goodbye to old people at the end of a simcha (Jewish word for celebration), but at frat parties, there are fewer wet kisses and “what-did-you-say”s than at a bar mitzvah.

Bonus: Quinceaneras

A fraternity can always stand to make its party more suave by increasing the skill and complexity level of the dancing and the hair at these coming-of-age parties.

Whether or not these tips were helpful, let's start off the fall semester right. L'chaim.