In all nineteen years I've been on this planet, I haven't had more than a small handful of good friends. In fact, I can count all my good friends on one hand. It wasn't because I was shy or because I didn't want to meet new people. It was simply because I didn’t trust anyone enough. The "tragic backstory" is unlocked by Level 15 friends and most people don't go past Level 10. It may seem odd to some people that I put levels on my friendships.
I didn't talk to many people as a kid, mainly because I was socially awkward, but a lot of them thought I was odd. Which is fine by me, it meant there were fewer people to annoy me. Growing up without a lot of friends was a bit more difficult. There weren't many people I could go to when I was upset with my family, or I was too nervous to talk to my mother about boys. There was one person I could always talk to, and she has been my rock for nearly nine years now.
I have two other fantastic friends I've known for about four years now. I met them while I was in my sophomore year of high school, and they're both some of my favorite people ever. No matter how close to them I've gotten, it took a long time for me to be comfortable around them. For the longest time, I was closed off from both of them and didn't tell them much about me.
My "tragic backstory" isn’t very tragic. I had a great childhood, and a very loving family. But, sometimes things happen. Not everything can go smoothly, and be peachy keen. Things change, and often. Being able to find someone to talk to about everything is the most amazing thing in the world. But I could hardly find someone that I trusted enough to talk to.
Maybe I have trust issues, but I've drifted away from enough people to know that not everyone will stay with you. Just because you tell someone all of your secrets, and share all of your thoughts with them, it doesn't mean they'll stay forever. I don't want to share all of my secret thoughts with someone that’s going to leave me a few months down the road. I refuse to get to know someone so well, and be so close to them, just for them to become a stranger to me after a year.
But for the three people who know me the best (you know who you are), I thank you. You are lovely, irrevocably amazing individuals, and I love you with every fiber of my being. Thank you for putting up with my special brand of crazy. Whether we go on crazy adventures into nature, or head out in the early morning to go to Coffee Fest, I couldn't have made it this far without you.
All my love,
Alexis
