It may take a few steps to get there, but when you feel the tug on your heart that things are wrong and you need to go back, eventually, you’ll go home. He will turn everything in your life upside down and inside out and it may feel like everything is going wrong but I promise, God is about to do something great. Whether it's bringing you a soulmate, showing you your purpose, or teaching you how to be happy without a significant other -- He’s going to fix everything. God will wreck your plans when he sees they’re about to wreck you. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it.
If you know me, you know I have strayed very far from my relationship with God. Also, I had a messy break-up recently, and that is where my story changes. Self-righteous Christians made me angry in more ways than one, and I blamed God for a long time, now. My sister and best friend rededicated their lives to the Lord, and I judged them both. I was, and have been, very lost and I probably owe them apologies for how I acted -- so, guys, I’m sorry. I haven’t exactly prayed in a while, and this is especially sad because I used to love talking to God. I was so done with the “religion” that hated people of all kinds, and the people who treated others as lesser beings when God never had that intention.
A few weeks ago, I saw "Batman V. Superman," and as twisted as it sounds, I agreed with Lex Luther when he said, “If God is all powerful, he cant' be all good. If God is all good, he can't be all-powerful.” The fact that I found myself agreeing with this statement scared the living crap out of me. I’d lost my identity and everything I’d grown up knowing. After some long talks with some people I love and trust, I decided to start talking to God again -- quietly and without drawing attention to it, because I hate when people push me into things or know about my problems.
Well, for the first few times, God didn’t really do much talking back. I don’t blame Him; I wouldn’t talk to me either after all the stunts I pulled. One late night, with tears streaming down my face, I told God, “If you give me this person, I’ll be happy and I’ll never ask you for anything again.” I guess he heard me, and He knew better. The next day, after some harsh words and a lot of fighting, we broke up and I thought God was punishing me. But I remembered what Pastor Jerry Taylor once said: “The worst thing is not the last thing.”
A few days later, I was talking to my friend about all that went down and she said, “God has a plan” and it hit me. When I was angry at God, running away and pulling away from church and Him, I was searching for a happiness that I couldn’t find. This included the relationship I was in. God was waiting patiently to show me that he wanted me back. After all, I did to convince myself otherwise, He still wanted me. He took my relationship away, and even though I hate to admit it, I felt relief and peace. The kind you feel when you know things are for the best. God had been pulling me back before I even knew it. Even though he didn’t answer my prayer, he has a better plan.
I’m still figuring out what that plan is, but right now I am just going to wait it out and build a relationship I thought I threw away a long time ago. When you feel like everything you do is wrong and you are always apologizing for things you shouldn’t have to, know that God offers you complete forgiveness and a clean slate with no questions or conditions attached to it. He just wants you to come home. With all the people walking out of your life, you may feel a little hurt and betrayed and you will never not care for those people, but God has work to do with them as well. Sometimes God starts working in lives and has to bring people apart in order to make them stronger individuals.
