Just about every city in America seems to have something that it's known for. New York has a bustling theater scene, Los Angeles is home to the film industry, Portland has a lot of strange people, and Tucson has a lot of potholes. So many, in fact, that the city has come to be known for them.
If you have ever spent any time driving around the gloriously mundane town of Tucson, AZ, then odds are you have probably almost had one of your tires blown out by one of the many enormous potholes that line the city's roads.
They are literally everywhere, and it seems like you can't drive more than a few hundred feet in Tucson without running into one, posing a potential danger to drivers and bicyclists alike.
Despite the greatest efforts of the city, Tucson cannot seem to get its pothole problem under control. If the city covers one pothole up, it seems like two more sprout up the next day, which leaves only one possible explanation.
The city of Tucson has been cursed by an evil Pothole demon.
The supposed "experts" want us to believe that these potholes have been caused by outdated roads and poor weather conditions, but anyone with any common sense at all can clearly see that this is not true.
Legend has it that if you sit and watch the streets of Tucson at night, you just might be able to see the pothole demon causing havoc on the streets by using his massive feet to stomp pothole after pothole into Tucson's roads.
Getting rid of a demon's curse is never easy, but it is especially hard for a demon whose sole mission is to aggravate Tucson drivers and slowly cause damage to their tires.
The Tucson community may be running out of time, because it has been predicted by many smart, educated people that if the pothole demon is allowed to continue to operate as it has been doing, then Tucson will be nothing but one gigantic pothole by the year 2025.
We cannot let this happen to our city, despite how many times we may have complained about Tucson's weather or the fact that Tucson has nothing fun to do.
Still, the Tucson area is home to approximately one million people who wish they lived in a cooler city, so Tucsonans must finally take a stand against the pothole problem before it is finally too late.
Luckily, there are several different methods for fighting the pothole problem. Call your local congressperson and tell them not to let the pothole demon destroy any more of Tucson's roads, pray to the pothole Gods that they will finally step in and unleash their wrath on the pothole demon, or get a group of friends together, run out into the middle of the street and start screaming at every single pothole that you see, telling it to go back to where it came from, until it magically reseals itself and becomes a perfectly paved road. Just be careful of any cars passing by.
Tucson's pothole problem may be getting out of hand, but if we all work together, we can still prevent the city from being swallowed up by one gigantic hole in the road. Hopefully, change is coming. In the meantime, just beware of potholes while driving.
