Growing up as a girl, and a very sensitive one at that, I can always remember everyone telling me it was okay to cry and running to my side to comfort me. What I can't remember is seeing the same attitude towards boys. Whether in real life or through the media, I grew up in a world that was constantly bombarding boys with negativity towards their own difficult emotions. This attitude didn't stop at tears spilled over cuts and bruises, but continued to grow in heartbreak, stress, and emotional situations that guys face.
While it's absolutely common to see girls flock to their girlfriends when they break down, it's not so common when a guy is the one suffering. I've even been in situations where I've broken down in front of guy friends, and they've seemed very uncomfortable with my crying and confused at how to handle it. While they always try their best, it's clear that never having been comforted through their own negative emotions, this presents a challenge to them.
So why do we say, "Real men don't cry"? Well, for starters, we live in a man's world and the patriarchy dictates that being senstivie and showing emotions isn't really a "masculine trait." This is why, when faced with problems, some guys tend to get aggressive or keep it all in. They were never taught healthier ways to express their emotions. Another issues arises with the fact that the same idea of masculinity and showing emotions leads to guys being called "sissies," "pussies," or "girls" if they express their emotions.
I think it highly unfair that we force men to live in a culture where they are afraid of feeling anything for fear of being judged. Many times we complain about guys being "insensitive" or "clueless" when in reality, they aren't doing it to be cruel — they just didn't grow up in a culture that promoted sensitivity to them. That's why they sometimes struggle to express their feelings or understand ours. We shouldn't really put the blame on our guys when they see no point in talking it out or when they come across as tactless or cold. They're only showing emotions in the way our culture has deemed it appropriate for them to do.
So I write all this not to stand up on a soapbox and preach about the effects of promoting this culture, but to be a voice that joins many others in telling guys that real men do cry. It takes so much courage to be vulnerable and open with others, and revealing a more sensitive side does much more for masculinity than holding it in. I think there is a strength that comes with being able to express your feelings in a healthy way and reach out when you need help.
It's 2016, so I think it's about time we throw this notion out the window and start teaching our boys about handling emotions positively so they can become even better men. You don't need to baby them and run to their side after every cut or bruise, but don't shout at them to stop crying because it's "not manly." Let them cry, let them feel because male or female, we are all people with struggles and emotions that when kept in only do more harm than good.
