I was ten the first time I experienced “girl drama.” That is probably ancient by today’s standards, but back then I was still in the girls-rule-boys-drool phase of my life, and experiencing this kind of negativity from fellow girls came as a pretty big shock to me. It initially came in the form of avoidance, where certain friends just started to ignore me. I had had fights with friends before, and they always resolved themselves eventually, so I didn’t even tell anyone what was going on for weeks. Until one day, when one of my friends confessed to me that there were some people talking about me behind my back, and I finally told my mom. “Wow, you’re not even in middle school yet,” was my mom’s response. She wasn’t at all surprised it was happening, just that it was happening when I was so young. And she went on to tell me that this sort of thing would probably continue for the rest of my life. Why? Because I’m a girl.

To be honest, I didn’t really believe her at first. People grow out of it, I told myself. But fourteen years and more occurrences of “girl drama” than I can count later, I can’t help but think my mom was completely right.

So, why? Why do girls constantly put each other down? Why do girls hate each other? Why do they sabotage, backstab, and gossip about each other? Is it out of jealousy? Or is it out of some inner drive to succeed, no matter who or what stands in the way?

Now, I understand that some of you reading this might think I’m stereotyping, or that perhaps I’m even being sexist. I know that not all women do these things, and I know that there are plenty of men out there who do do these things. But I also know that I can’t name a single female I know, as young as ten or as old as ninety, who hasn’t been the victim (or perhaps even the perpetrator) of some kind of girl drama. And that’s unsettling, to say the least.

The history dork in me tends to think that this type of behavior probably stems from centuries, even millennia, of women being told they are inferior to men, and consequently having to compete with each other to receive any kind of recognition. This kind of systemic sexism has trickled down generation after generation, and while today’s women are certainly treated more fairly than our ancient counterparts, the concepts of both women’s inferiority as well as women’s need to compete with one another has become so ingrained in our society, culture, and collective psyche that the damage is already done.

There are just so many types of girl drama, from the girl who flirts with your boyfriend in your high school hallways to the woman who throws you under the bus at work so she can get the promotion you were up for. It’s such a vast topic that I don’t even know where to begin!

There is one common thread among all girl drama, from the youngest girls to the oldest women: putting each other down to further your own cause. Essentially, it’s bullying. I think it’s kind of funny how hard we work to end bullying, yet we are quite content to accept the concept of mean girls. It’s the idea that “girls will be girls.” And it might be too late to do anything about it.

When I was a kid, I envisioned myself having tight-knit group of girl friends throughout my whole life, a group who would have been together through everything, from kindergarten graduation to senior prom. It would all be very “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.” What I learned was that most girls would not have your back, but they’d certainly have a knife in it.

Yeah, I suppose you can say I’m a bit cynical about everything. I look at Taylor Swift’s “squad” and roll my eyes. As if a group of supermodels and starlets like that wouldn’t scratch each other’s eyes out to guarantee she gets ahead over one of her “friends.” I mean, isn’t the whole “Bad Blood” music video supposed to be a dig at Katy Perry, where Taylor uses all of her industry friends to make a statement about how powerful she is? In the same fell swoop, we are brainwashed into thinking we should have this magical sisterhood with our gal pals, and then use that sisterhood to squash another successful female by showcasing our own power.

What’s funny is that, being my first experience with this happened when I was a wee little fifth grader, I did my best to avoid any kind of drama for my whole life. I have never been a drama queen. I have never personally started the issues. I have never went looking for it. Yet somehow, it has found me at every stage of my life. And it has managed to cost me friendships, jobs, even apartments.

For the most part, I’ve learned my lesson. I prefer to hang out with guys. I prefer to work with guys. I prefer to put as much distance as possible between myself and anyone who reminds me even slightly of Regina George. And sadly, life is just easier that way.

I don’t know if there’s really any way to fix these problems. Like I said, it is has become such an accepted part of our world that it would be really difficult to make any significant changes. Why can’t we applaud each other for our successes? Compliment each other on our looks? Support each other in times of need? Couldn’t we confront each other face-to-face on issues, rather than gossip behind one another’s backs? Or be happy for each other? Just think of what we could do together, and the heights we could soar to if we all just left this dramatic nonsense in the past?

Haha, I almost had you there. Unfortunately, for once life actually is like the movies. The movie just happens to be “Mean Girls.”

But I do want to end on a positive note. Change starts with each of us. I don’t believe that there will ever be a definitive end to girl drama. But we can make our own lives better by choosing not to partake in it, and choosing to support other women rather than bring them down. And who knows, maybe one day this will be another chapter of women’s history that is behind us.

It’s unlikely, but it’s a start.