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Student Life

A Real-Life College Resume

0/10 would recommend submitting this to future employers.

Keri Sullivan
May 02, 2016
Stonehill College
30
A Real-Life College Resume
www.snagajob.com

Education

Stonehill College, B.S. in bs

Have been bleeding purple from 2014 - forever.

Graduated with the honor of "D's get degrees."

Experience

DJ, Sheehan Hall, Room 114

Create dank playlists on Spotify.

Provide an inclusive and welcoming pre-game environment on the weekends.

Stack Cup Champion, October 2015 - present

Examines trajectory and force needed to successfully bounce a ping pong ball into a red Solo cup.

Runs the table with confidence and professionalism.

Strategically avoids getting b*tch cup.

Fashion Consultant, September 2014 - present

Sufficient at boob taping in a resourceful manner, can use duct tape, safety pins or even bathing suit pads in order to achieve maximum support for the girls.

Semi-effectively paint on winged eye liner while two shots deep, can put on mascara while three shots deep.

Life Coach, September 2015 - September 2015

Offered objective advice on various life problems of others, ranging from boy troubles to academic struggles.

Was let go after one week because no longer met qualifactions of having a life that was put together.

Skills

Consistency

The Dunks workers know my order by heart.

Time Management

Can make it to the Science Center from the Heights in under seven minutes when needed.

Has completed a 10-page research paper in a total of six hours.

Bilingual

Can speak English and SMS fluently, conversational in drunk white girl.

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