First let me start out by stating the fact that I'm terrified.
In the beginning of summer, I obviously knew I was going to college in a few months, but at the same time it was the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing I cared about was my work schedule and when I was hanging out with my friends or boyfriend next. Fresh out of high school and feeling on top of the world. I was having the time of my life.
A couple weeks later, I had orientation and I started to think of what was coming for me in the fall. My Pinterest was soon filled with cute pictures of dorm rooms and I was making lists on Amazon for things I intended to buy. I was SO excited. I couldn't wait to go and experience new things, in a new place, with new people. August couldn't come soon enough.
In the beginning of July, the excitement hadn't faded. It only grew. I started making a list of things I thought I needed, and crossed them off as I went. A few things here and a few things there. Conversations with my future roommate had gotten deeper and we started talking about more than just our favorite movies and food. I was lucky enough to have met my roommate on a facebook page so I knew we were going to get along. She reminded my of some of the friends that I currently have here at home. They'd all begun to talk about me leaving, some being more upset than others. My best friend, being an underclassmen, got teary eyed whenever anyone brought it up. I just laughed, gave her a hug, and told her that she'd be okay.
Now it's the end of the month. I've finished buying the important things for my room and now all that's left is the little odds and ends. My meal plan has been chosen, activity tickets bought, and parking pass taken care of. I feel like there are things that I should be doing, but really the only thing left for me to do is wait. There are no more deadlines, loans and scholarships are being finalized, and the last bits of information is coming in the mail.
However...everything has finally sunken in. Unfortunately for me, it all came at once, which was a little overwhelming. The other day, I was talking with my mom about me leaving, and I cried for the first time. Throughout the entire college process, from just visiting Iowa State to about to getting the date to move in, I haven't cried once, but the dam holding back all the tears has finally broke, and man was it holding back a lot.
It started out with me missing my family. My mom, dad, stepmom, and step-siblings. They'll no longer be just a couple feet away if I ever need something. From advice to the simple small things like my mom bringing me food (and an eye roll) when I'm being too lazy to get off the couch. They won't be there.
Next, was my boyfriend. He isn't going to the same college as I am and it hurts to think of how we'll go from seeing each other almost every day to maybe once every couple of weeks. And that's if we're lucky. We've been together for quite awhile, but the question of "will we stay together" still pops into my head. We're planning on it, but what if it doesn't work out? It'll hurt like hell. So much that I don't even want to think about it, but I guess what's meant to be will be.
After that it took a turn to my friends. All of them are either underclassmen or going somewhere else, so I can't just take a short drive and show up at their door. My best friend is going to be what hurts the most considering she means the world to me. I know they'll be perfectly fine, however my her tears don't seem so funny anymore and I wish I held on to that hug a little longer.
Finally it went full circle, and now it was back to me. I'm going to be leaving everything that I've ever known. I'm going to a school where the student population alone is four times its size of my hometown. I'm not going to know anybody, and I hate being alone. I don't know how I'm going to afford anything because I know for a fact that I'll be broke. All in all, I'm a mess.
But ya know what? So is everyone else.
I'm 1 of 7,000 freshman at my school, and one of millions in the country that are going through the exact same thing. They're nervous to leave their homes, and some are a lot further away than mine is. They're nervous about classes and getting good grades because this is where it actually matters. They're going to be absolutely broke with me, so you can catch us all in the Dollar Store and surrounding any sign that says sale. And besides, it's not like I'm never coming home again.
So, since being terrified is sounding like what I'm supposed to be, then I'd say I'm ready to go. I'm ready to take on this new chapter in my life and all of the battles that come with it. Some will be harder than others, but I'm sure they'll be worth the fight. I'm ready to be scared and nervous because I'm not going to let that stop me from living my life and experiencing new and exciting things. I'm ready for college.
And you are too.
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