Before the time of blogging about my life, I kept a written diary. My grandma gave this diary as a gift in 2006. Through ages 8-18 I have filled this diary with updates on my life. As I entered high school, I wrote a lot less, probably one to two entries per year. However, in my elementary and middle school years I wrote avidly. Writing has always been an escape for me. When I didn't feel comfortable telling people how I really felt about things, I would just write to my diary about it. As I got older, the diary entries became more of a narrative to a younger version of myself. I reread some of my older entries, and I had quite a few "what the h*ll?" moments reading through them. I thought I could share my humiliation with you as I comment along to the awful, egotistical, and hilarious views I shared about the world.
To start I'll write about my first boyfriend/dating experience. I was in the fourth grade, and at the age of 9 was totally girlfriend material. To protect the innocent boy in this story, I have changed his name!
2007 Logan
Today I got a boyfriend. His name is Logan. He is cute, smart, nice and weird. (All of this is still true). OK, he's not great. He's kind of a cry baby. (Ouch!) I know you're mad at me for saying yes, but what was I supposed to do? Say no? (I mean, yeah that might have been a good choice.) It would make him cry! You're super mad at me still, aren't you? I didn't even tell mom yet so ahhhh. (Sorry, Mom.) I almost told her tonight, but then she started talking about Johnny and his girlfriend, and how they shouldn't have been going out! (My mom's disapproval of Johnny's relationships continues to this day.) I totally freaked out. Come on, what would you say? (Nah girl, I wouldn't have told mom either...) Please don't be mad at me next time I write. (Apparently, I had really pissed off my journal.) There is nothing really wrong with Logan but he likes me so there is nothing to day dream about. I kind of like Trevor better than Logan. But I'm dating Logan so I guess I can just day dream about Trevor so I don't get bored. (Sounds like a good plan...foolproof). Well Mom is calling me down stairs so bye.
Love, Meg :)
My boy problems began here. "Logan" was a very sweet first boyfriend in the very few conversations we had. Dating in 4th grade is mostly just passing notes and talking through friends. In fact, I think he asked me out with a note, and I said "Yes" by telling some girl to tell him. Communication skills, Ladies and Gentlemen. Unfortunately, it wasn't in the stars for me and "Logan," so our love affair did not last.
I think the hardest and funniest part is how shallow I was in my view of people and emotions. I surely grew out of my "bratty" outlook, but I can remember so vividly how much I worried about what I appeared to be. I wanted nothing more than to be beautiful and popular. While I wrote time and time again that I wanted to be a "nice" popular, I think the pressure to be cool ran my life for a few years. Once you mature into high school and college, I think you stop worrying about how people perceive you as much. I think it becomes more about finding your place rather than standing out in the crowd. I'm eternally grateful to my grandmother for giving me a journal. There is honestly nothing more astounding than reading what you thought the world would look like as a child with your knowledge of the future. If I had a dollar for every boy I said I thought was perfect for me in this book, I'd be rich (and not single). The book holds stories of friendship, relationships, love, songs, adventure, struggles, and heartbreak. But the book survived it all, and so did I.
Love, Meg :)
