A Definitive Ranking Of The 'Death Of A Bachelor' Album

As you might know, I am a big fan of music. If you've ever read my author bio, you can see that I am a particularly big fan of Panic! at the Disco. I had the amazing opportunity to see Brendon Urie sing his heart out on stage in St. Paul last weekend, and it was one of the best nights of my life. In memory of that beautiful night, I've decided to rank each song from their most recent album "Death of a Bachelor."

11. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

I know this is a fan favorite, and it's actually the opener for the concert, but it's my least favorite from the album. The lyrics, while funny, aren't as strong as the rest of the songs (this probably has something to do with the fact that Brendon did not take the lead on writing this song). BEST LINE: "I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt, but I make these high heels work."

10. The Good, The Bad and The Dirty

I had high expectations for this song after seeing the title. I was thinking, "H*ckin yes! A dirty AF song from the hottest singer on this planet." I was disappointed, yes. I feel horrible for ranking these songs now, because I feel it implies I dislike some of them - which is not true! I do love this song. I just love others more. BEST LINES: "You've been gone so long, I forgot what you feel like, but I'm not going to think about that right now."

9. Hallelujah

First things first, I do not like this music video. It could have been so cool and ended up being kind of lame. (I'm so sorry, Brendon). There are also moments in this song where I feel like Brendon's voice is flat, and I can't get over it. Is it just me? (I'M SO SORRY, BRENDON!) However, the lyrics are glorious. BEST LINE: "And being blue is better than being over it."

8. Victorious

What a killer music video. Honestly, this song was my favorite for a long time. I think at this point, my only reason for putting it so far down on the list is because I've heard it so many times. Okay, okay, I'm biased. Very biased. Just listen to his beautiful screaming voice in this song, though, and forget I ever said anything bad about him. BEST LINE: "My touch is black and poisonous and nothing like my punch-drunk kiss."

7. House of Memories

His voice gives me chills in this song. I love every moment he hits those high notes, but when his voice gets all deep and sultry, I cry a little. I also love the emphasis on the lyrics in this song, and it is so difficult to pick one line that stands out. There's also a little piano solo that I can't help but imagine Brendon getting super into on his own piano. BEST LINES: "If you're a lover you should know the lonely moments just get lonelier the longer you're in love."

6. Crazy = Genius

This song is so jazzy and different, and I can hear where Brendon's Sinatra influence has come into this album with his own unique punk twist. I also have it on good authority that this is Sarah Urie's favorite song off the album. I'm just wondering who Mike Love and Dennis Wilson are? BEST LINES: "All the boys you may have dated serrated your heart with a slice, but the cut of your love never hurts, baby, it's a sweet butter knife."

5. Impossible Year

The second most beautiful ballad ever made by Panic! (second only to "The End of All Things"), this song makes me cry. The ending note carries me on into infinity. The band in this song is so amazing and powerful, it all fits together so well. BEST LINES: "There's no you and me this impossible year, only heartache and heartbreak, and gin made of tears."

4. Death of a Bachelor

Look at that face! Listen to that heavenly voice! Those soaring high notes make me want to sit on a bench and take a breath. This isn't the best line in the song, but the fact that he alludes to watching the sky fall after singing in "Sarah Smiles" (a song from the album "Vices and Virtues") that he's waiting for the sky to fall is so romantic and sappy and just proves how in love he is with his wife - even if she isn't me. BEST LINE: "A lifetime of laughter at the expense of the death of a bachelor."

3. Golden Days

Wow, these last three were very hard to put in order. This song brings me so many memories of me and my best friend, and it always makes me happy. I joke about how Brendon isn't even singing in the chorus, he's just yelling. It's beautiful, regardless. BEST LINES: "We'll stay drunk, we'll stay tan, let the love remain, and I swear that I'll always paint you golden days."

2. Emperor's New Clothes


This music video has changed my life. I do in fact worship the demon himself, Brendon Urie. He's so attractive and his voice is so amazing I just can't help drooling. This song is so inventive and original and catchy and just awesome. It was one of the first I heard from the album, and I've loved it ever since. BEST LINE: "Heroes always get remembered, but you know legends never die."

1. LA Devotee

If you needed any more proof that Panic! fans are devil worshippers, here it is. If the music video changes your opinion on what I thought was a happy, upbeat song, then you're just as confused as I was. I've learned to just roll with it. This song will always be my jam (he even says my last name in it) and probably also my ringtone. I don't even have to explain why it's so good - just listen. BEST LINES: "The black magic of Mulholland Drive, swimming pools under desert skies, drinking white wine in the blushing light - just another LA Devotee."

I feel the need to apologize once more to Brendon Urie and to any fans I may have offended with this ranking. This was based off my incredibly biased personal opinion, and in no way means I hate any of these songs. They all have a special place in my heart and music library.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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