I’m home now, which is a weird thing. It’s good, obviously, I like being here. I don’t have to use a communal bathroom, or walk ten minutes to eat without prior planning, or stress about managing my time to get assignments done on time. In a way, though, it’s strange — I feel like I have two lives — my life at school and my life here. I’m the same person, clearly, I’m not nearly cool or clever enough to have any kind of alter ego at school. The people I associate with there know I’m an awkward, loveable idiot just like my friends here have known for years, but there is a weird rift going on in my head regarding my social circles.

I’ve essentially doubled the number of close friends I have, and those friends will likely never cross paths, which is a weird thing to think about. Not only do I have two circles of friends who know me arguably equally well, but those friends don’t and will never know each other personally. Sure, it’s easy for them to recognize which friend is who in the stories I tell, but the only way they’ll ever really know each other is through my words.

It’s just strange thinking that some of the most important people in my life won’t ever meet.

I was talking to one of my friends from home the other day about high school, and she made it pretty apparent to me to that I’ve always had a pretty consistent M.O. when it comes to the people I’m close to. I’m semi-close to a lot of people, but only really tight with a select few.

It’s obviously nothing against the people that I’m only casual friends with, they’re all nice people, I just gravitate towards certain people to spend most of my time with.

In light of this epiphany, I wanted to say thank you to the friends in my life who have been there, both for most of my life and just for my first year at college. This might be a little long and rambly, and I guarantee it won’t be my best piece on the quality of writing alone, but bear with me.

Thank you to all of you who put up with me during middle school, despite how atrocious that was all around. I was greasy and awkward and I was pretty much in love with one of you the whole time we were in middle school, so I’m grateful every day you guys stuck through it.

Thank you to all of you who have been living with me this past year. I went through a lot of emotional stuff during my time at school, including my first real break up, and you were all there in the quiet, subtle way that I needed you to be. Thanks for watching bad horror movies with me, and making me feel beautiful even though I have jelly ankles and a dough body, and making me comfortable even though it’s difficult for me to feel comfortable anywhere.

Specifically, thank you to my freshman roommate for being so cool all the time, and for always making me laugh and being there for me when I need it, and for helping me wash all the chalk ramblings of a crazy person off our walls. You’re the best, and I’m so glad I spent my first year of college with you.

Thank you to my future roommate (and wife) for making me feel more normal in knowing there’s someone out there who thinks in the same way as me, and introducing me to Chuck Bass, and also to my future suitemate- even though I think I’ll see you naked more times than I would like to next year, I still love you, and you’ll always be my grandma away from home.

To my wife from home- thank you for giving me something fun to listen to during study hall senior year. You always have my best interests in mind, and you’re one of the only people I can count on to tell me I’m being stupid when I need to hear it. I love you, and I’m always going to be mad that they didn’t allow me to tell the school that I was going to marry you (yes homo) in the yearbook.

Thanks to my first boyfriend ever- even though you’re more gay than I am, I’m glad you were my first boyfriend, and thanks for being one of my best friends throughout all this time. I know we don’t talk much, but I’m never worried about things being stale between us. Despite knowing each other for around seven years now, we could still probably talk on the phone for an hour about our tastes in potato chips.

With that being said, thank you to my first real boyfriend. You were the first person I dated who really loved me and showed it, and I can’t even express to you how invaluable that is. I’m not sure you understand how much you helped me to grow as a person, but you taught me so much about myself and about what love is. You were my best friend for over a year, and you were always by my side when I needed you most. I know we haven’t been talking much- it’s still a little weird for me- I just want you to know that I still love and care about you, and if you ever need me, I’m here.

Thank you to one of the only people in my life who makes me feel like the cool, edgy friend. You’re so supportive, all the time, and I know I can count on you for a helping hand always. Thank you for trusting me to help you through things that you still don’t understand about yourself.

To the guy who’s thought I was hot since middle school and incessantly reminds me of it- sorry I can’t be that person for you, but I’m really glad you’re in my life. You make me laugh whenever I need it, and I’m always going to want to be your friend.

Thank you to the gay witch I’ve known since middle school. You’re easily the weirdest person I know, but thank you for putting up with me ranting about things and people I love no matter what it is. Today it might be Joe Jonas because he’s making great music and I’m proud of him, but tomorrow it’ll be something totally different, and I know you’ll be there. You’re the snest (snail best).

Since this is running longer than I meant it to, I’m going to lump my three favorite frat boys together in a group even though you go to different schools and don’t all know each other: the Canadian, the prep, and the tree farmer. I love you all very much, and I count myself very lucky that I know each of you.

Thank you to all my other friends and peers that I couldn’t mention. You’re all so important to me, and I want you to know that I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without each and every one of you. It’s kind of a big deal, because for the first time in my life, I’m starting to really love who I am. That wouldn’t be possible without you guys.

The thing is about having two groups of friends in different locations- I’m always going to be missing a group of you. I’m always going to be wondering what you’re doing, how you’re doing. So if, when I come back from school, or from home, and I seem a little over excited to see you… you know why.