It's no surprise that Disney owns a ton of properties. From Star Wars taking over Hollywood Studios in Disney World to the Avengers parading around Disneyland, Disney is offering a lot more than just fairy tales nowadays.
"Wreck-It Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks the Internet" seeks to cram as many of these properties as it can into this movie.
Quite the power move. Nothing says, "We own everything" quite like having Iron Man soar above Eeyore while Storm Troopers watch.
The trailer opens with Ralph waking up his buddy, Venellope von Shweetz and excitedly proclaiming that they're going to the internet after the owner of the arcade installs a router.
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They hop aboard a pixelated capsule through the wire and into the wonderful world of WiFi they go!
Daft Punk's Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger plays in the background. The song pairs with the pixel imagery like overpriced pineapple ice cream sundaes and the Magic Kingdom.
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From there, the two walk through the world of the internet until they stumble upon something truly magical, and apparently, "Really intense and super nuts."
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Super nuts indeed, Vanellope.
Because in this amazing website, we see something that I have been waiting all my life for...
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The Disney Princesses are all together. Every single one of them, including Mulan and Pocahontas. There they are, waving at their fans and blowing them kisses. This is truly a dream come true.
Forget the actual plot of the movie, I just want to see these ladies kick butt together.
Vanellope, completely ignorant of the blessing that has been bestowed upon her, stands next to Eeyore, who is then terrorized by Tony Stark performing a completely unnecessary nosedive above them. We then get an incredible establishing shot of this world and an incredible display of Disney's properties.
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Look at them all. Beautiful, glowing reminders that Disney's empire is the sitting on the throne at top of the entertainment industry's food chain.
Along with the princesses, I'm excited to see The Muppets getting some attention after ABC's "The Muppets" left much to be desired. It's good to see The Muppets where they belong: In a film targeted at children. Now, if we see Miss Piggy fist fighting Black Widow, I'll die happy.
After Vanellope is chased by a few useless Storm Troopers, she glitches and teleports into the true stars of this movie's dressing room.
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That's right. The princesses are back. You thought they would only make a cameo in this trailer? Oh no.
Sure, Disney likes to flaunt their properties, but they know the key to people's hearts. Disney is truly filling the princess sized hole in my princess shaped heart.
Then comes my absolute favorite scene in any piece of media I have ever witnessed in my life.
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Cinderella smashes her glass slipper against a chair and threatens to shank Vanellope.
I don't want to hear anything about how weak the princesses are ever again. Jasmine and Pocahontas immediately arm themselves for battle. Cindy was ready to cut a bitch.
Not only are these girls beautiful, sparkly, and ready to attack, they're also painfully self-aware.
When told Vanellope is a princess too, they go through the checklist of what could possibly qualify her as a true Disney princess.
"Magic hair? Magic hands? Animals talk to you? Poisoned? Cursed? Kidnapped or enslaved?"
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"No! Are you guys ok!? Should I call the police?"
No need, Vanellope. If you're ever in trouble, just call Cindy and her shankin' shoe.
Rapunzel steps forward and throws shade like it's sunny:
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"Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?"
Vanellope responds with an enthusiastic, "Yes! What is UP with that!?"
If that doesn't place her among the princess lineup, I don't know what does.
All in all, this trailer is delightful. Disney's animation is gorgeous as always, it's chock full of new as well as familiar faces, and we get every single princess in glorious three dimensions. I couldn't ask for more.
Is this film just a way for Disney to show off how many things they own? Absolutely. Is that necessarily a problem? When you're the cock of the walk, I certainly don't think so.
If anything, this film looks like it's just going to be a fun fluff piece as well as a social commentary on the internet in general. It just looks like a good time for all ages.
I don't know about you, but I certainly need a break from crying at every film they release. "Coco" absolutely wrecked me. God knows I need a good laugh.
You can watch the full trailer here!
