“It’s funny how the skinniest of girls are always the ones trying to watch their weight." This is what my mom’s friend Karen said when we went to go get our hair done last week. She spoke these words with such tenderness as she watched me scan my daily intake into my phone. I froze for a quick moment to look at her with glazed eyes, her dimpled face and angelic smile utterly visible under my black painted lashes. She was right. I wasn’t the biggest girl, I mean s***, I was pretty athletic and had a high metabolism, but to me… to me I was watching myself. When she spoke these words, it was as if I was watching myself slowly go crazy, quickly becoming addicted to counting calories. For a while it felt great, I felt light and happy, but it wasn’t until I heard someone else speak these words that I was truly allowing a number take over my life.
At first, I believed that by counting my calories I would just keep myself in check. Making sure that I kept a healthy diet, but one that would allow me to eat what I want when I want it. The thing about counting them all the time is that once you’re doing it constantly, your emotions become intact. Trust me, as stupid as it may sound, it ruins how good you start to feel. It’s brought me to the point that, even on my cheat days or when I get off track, I am beginning to feel lower and unhappy. You sit and watch these girls in magazines and Insta pics and you wonder, how could I be like that? It’s as if all of a sudden what you eat actually means something…but why should it?
It didn’t hit me until now why size and shape should matter, like actually hit. The wave of emotions that lets you know that it’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to eat McDonald’s three straight days in a row and pound down some Domino’s stuffed pizza at midnight. It’s okay to not be completely into working out or eating healthy. It’s okay not to be a size 0, 2, 4, 6, whatever society makes beauty out to be. Don’t go out to eat and order a salad because it’s the “better choice”. Go there and order fried clam strips because you want to, because it’s going to satisfy you and bring you joy. (Yes food is joy, don’t say you can’t agree).
Go out and rock that pair of jeans that fits you in every perfect curve and crevice. Smile big and don’t let what you eat be the biggest concern of your day. Beauty is not what you see when you look at the scale. It’s one of the biggest reasons I still don’t weigh myself to this day. If you’re going to love yourself, let it be in a way that you find fit and reasonable.
Don’t let a number be the say all of what truly makes you beautiful because size is just a number and zero means nothing.
*Listed below are 5 of my favorite Body Positive quotes. I hope you love them as much as I do!*
1. “Body confidence does not come from trying to achieve the perfect body, it comes from embracing the one you’ve already got.” (Pinterest)
2. “Beauty starts in your heart, not in your mirror.” (ThePenningtonsBlog.com)
3. “To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are.” (Ellen DeGeneres)
4. “The most alluring thing a woman can have is confidence.” (Beyoncé)
5. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” (Oscar Wilde)
