August 13, 2018, I moved into my dorm room at Arizona State University. I was hiding my fear with excitement. I was always so ready to graduate high school and move to a different state and start a new life --- until I actually got there. It was when my roommate and I were with our moms at IKEA when I had a total realization that this was happening, and I had a breakdown in the middle of the store. Yes, full on tears in IKEA. All of a sudden my feelings from senior year in high school of wanting to be on my own went away and all I wanted to do was pack up all my stuff and head home. Unfortunately that couldn't happen. The night before move in, I completely broke down in front of my parents for the first time and had let it all out. The day they left I was a complete mess. Instantly I was homesick. I was constantly texting and calling in tears asking them to let me transfer home in the winter or next fall. I didn't convince them, and I was given the lecture about how I don't quit anything I signed up for and that this was my choice. I was sad for a very long time. Nobody prepared me for how hard it was going to be to leave home and be alone. I was going to a school where I new absolutely nobody, not a single soul. Luckily for me I got along with my roommate pretty well before we even moved in, but those first few nights alone were probably the hardest out of the whole year.

A few weeks go by and it's time for Rush Week. I was nervous, but excited. I thought I was going to find something to feel like "home away from home" and make some friends. I was wrong. I ended up dropping on Bid Day and was just ready to leave. I was so set on that because I didn't get into a sorority that I would have no friends and this year would be miserable, and I had to go home. I called my mom and cried to her to let me come home and go to the university there. Once again, I was told no. From that moment on, I was constantly counting down the days I got to go back home for the first time. That day in October came and went in the blink of an eye. It was time to go back to school and I was once again an emotional mess. I hadn't made friends outside of my roommates and I just felt completely alone. They had their sorority activities and I would just sit in my dorm room, lonely, sobbing. All of my classes were 200-300 plus people so it was hard to make friends, especially when you don't sit next to the same person every class. August to November was probably the lowest I have ever felt.

It was getting closer to the end of first semester, and I decided I wanted to change my major to Sports Journalism. Instantly I started to get excited that this would happen for me and I would get to do something I enjoyed. Next thing you know, it's the start of Spring Semester. It was my first day at Cronkite and I was so excited to finally be in the major I wanted. After a few weeks, I was already enjoying my classes and being in the Cronkite school made me feel happy. I had been down for so long, but I finally was enjoying something and met some really cool people. I was finally starting to feel myself again. I also joined a club called the Association for Women in Sports Media (AWSM), and I'm even serving on the Executive Board next year. Everything was starting to fall in place for me.

It's now my last two weeks of my first year in college and I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that everything doesn't always play out the way you want to, but in the end you'll survive and be okay. I learned what and who I want in my life. I've grown as a person. I am so lucky and thankful though for my family, friends and boyfriend for helping me and telling me to keep my head up through this year. Without them, I definitely would've been a way hotter mess than I already was. I will admit that I still have my down-days, but nothing compared to how I used to feel. I wish someone had told me this as in incoming freshman so for all students starting school in the fall: Just know that the first year can be rough. This is a big step in life so it will be harder for some, but it will be okay. I am currently in a happy place. I enjoy school and I've met new people. I can't wait to see what my coming years at Arizona State University have in store for me.