Let's set the scene, shall we? You're in your twenties, married to the man of your dreams and are busy setting up your life together. Sure, you still have a heap of logistics to figure out, i.e., where to settle down, do you want a house or a condo, what job do you want, etc., etc. but you can't help but feel something else stirring in the back of your mind. There's still a mountain of accomplishments to check off your list before you can even seriously consider motherhood, and yet, there it is. Grating on the back of your mind like a dog wanting back inside the house.
You try to distract yourself with other items, hobbies maybe. You cook, and you clean the house, and you write until you think your hand is going to fall off, and yet, it's still there. Waiting just outside the screen door. The thought of having children makes you both nauseous and excited. But then you realize you're not sure why and before you know it, you've spent an evening staring at a book having re-read the same three sentences 376 times due to your upheaval.
Finally, you give up with mundane distractions and wonder what other women like you have done to resolve some calm in regards to the issue at hand. You start looking at the pros and cons like any logical person would do and come up with the following.
You don't know anything about kids.
Well..you know a little.Giphy
Sure, you babysat your siblings and cousins growing up but you still don't know the up from down when it comes to a baby. Well, maybe not literally. You're used to "having all your ducks in a row" and the thought of sheer mayhem entering your pedantically organized life terrorizes you.
Do you really want to be responsible for another human being?
Let's be honest, you're a responsible person. You know everything about your life. But are you ready to sculpt a young mind into something beautiful and positive? Are you ready for the pressure of prodding eyes judging your every move as a young parent? Eek.
You realize you like being able to do whatever, whenever.
If you and your husband want to flit off to Vegas for the weekend, you can! Then again, when was the last time you actually gave into impulse? Children can definitely restrict what you can and can't do so it's something to consider.
You wonder if your husband is ready.
Despite how much you love him.Giphy
Sure, you talk about it but how do you know he's really ready? It's hard enough to try and understand what you're thinking--let alone throwing in a wild card like a man's brain. You look at your husband and, possibly, see two people: the goofball who needs help finding his rubix cube (even though you've already told him it's in his top end table drawer) and the soulful serious man who can help you understand the complexities of the world.
You question your selflessness.
Are you selfish?Giphy
Mother's are all-giving and self-sacrifice embodied. You look at yourself and see other things: determination, drive, ferocity...and wonder if the selfless thing is born or learned.
You watch (or read) anything to do with babies and you find yourself doing that dorky but endearing "mom-smile."
Well, maybe not this smile.Giphy
Whether it be watching that episode of Friends where Rachel and Ross have their baby or reading 2018's list of weirdest baby names, you begin to wonder what it would really be like to have children. It's almost a reflex really, that smile you get. You can't help it. It's a part of you that you didn't know was there.
You realize this "crisis" is just you being responsible.
You're probably the last person on earth to do anything uninformed. There's nothing you can't tackle without a deep and true understanding and that's simply what you're trying to do with the prospect of motherhood. You realize you want children but that they deserve the best you can give them, which doesn't yet exist.
In the end of your bizarre brainstorming session, you realize that such a decision doesn't need to made right-here-right-now. You and your husband have years to settle into your life together and that invigorates you. You decide not to fear the impending decision of "motherhood or not" and figure it's worth it to enjoy your life, right here, right now. Don't worry. You won't make the wrong choice.