To Be or Not To Be a Mother
Life Stages

To Be Or Not To Be A Mother

The tribulations of the world build stronger and stronger cases against motherhood...but still it calls.


Let's set the scene, shall we? You're in your twenties, married to the man of your dreams and are busy setting up your life together. Sure, you still have a heap of logistics to figure out, i.e., where to settle down, do you want a house or a condo, what job do you want, etc., etc. but you can't help but feel something else stirring in the back of your mind. There's still a mountain of accomplishments to check off your list before you can even seriously consider motherhood, and yet, there it is. Grating on the back of your mind like a dog wanting back inside the house.

You try to distract yourself with other items, hobbies maybe. You cook, and you clean the house, and you write until you think your hand is going to fall off, and yet, it's still there. Waiting just outside the screen door. The thought of having children makes you both nauseous and excited. But then you realize you're not sure why and before you know it, you've spent an evening staring at a book having re-read the same three sentences 376 times due to your upheaval.

Finally, you give up with mundane distractions and wonder what other women like you have done to resolve some calm in regards to the issue at hand. You start looking at the pros and cons like any logical person would do and come up with the following.

You don't know anything about kids. know a little.


Sure, you babysat your siblings and cousins growing up but you still don't know the up from down when it comes to a baby. Well, maybe not literally. You're used to "having all your ducks in a row" and the thought of sheer mayhem entering your pedantically organized life terrorizes you.

Do you really want to be responsible for another human being?

Do you?


Let's be honest, you're a responsible person. You know everything about your life. But are you ready to sculpt a young mind into something beautiful and positive? Are you ready for the pressure of prodding eyes judging your every move as a young parent? Eek.

You realize you like being able to do whatever, whenever.



If you and your husband want to flit off to Vegas for the weekend, you can! Then again, when was the last time you actually gave into impulse? Children can definitely restrict what you can and can't do so it's something to consider.

You wonder if your husband is ready.

Despite how much you love him.


Sure, you talk about it but how do you know he's really ready? It's hard enough to try and understand what you're thinking--let alone throwing in a wild card like a man's brain. You look at your husband and, possibly, see two people: the goofball who needs help finding his rubix cube (even though you've already told him it's in his top end table drawer) and the soulful serious man who can help you understand the complexities of the world.

You question your selflessness.

Are you selfish?


Mother's are all-giving and self-sacrifice embodied. You look at yourself and see other things: determination, drive, ferocity...and wonder if the selfless thing is born or learned.

You watch (or read) anything to do with babies and you find yourself doing that dorky but endearing "mom-smile."

Well, maybe not this smile.


Whether it be watching that episode of Friends where Rachel and Ross have their baby or reading 2018's list of weirdest baby names, you begin to wonder what it would really be like to have children. It's almost a reflex really, that smile you get. You can't help it. It's a part of you that you didn't know was there.

You realize this "crisis" is just you being responsible.

Seriously though!


You're probably the last person on earth to do anything uninformed. There's nothing you can't tackle without a deep and true understanding and that's simply what you're trying to do with the prospect of motherhood. You realize you want children but that they deserve the best you can give them, which doesn't yet exist.

In the end of your bizarre brainstorming session, you realize that such a decision doesn't need to made right-here-right-now. You and your husband have years to settle into your life together and that invigorates you. You decide not to fear the impending decision of "motherhood or not" and figure it's worth it to enjoy your life, right here, right now. Don't worry. You won't make the wrong choice.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

I was never really big on cocktails. Tequila soda is always a go-to drink for me because of its simplicity and, to be honest, lack of extra calories from mixers chock-full of sugar, chemicals, and other unknown ingredients. I like tequila, and like to be able to really savor it.

This all changed when, a couple of years ago, a friend of mine made me a margarita from scratch — no funky mixers involved — and it tasted incredible. It was light, refreshing, and complemented the tequila without overpowering it.

Keep Reading... Show less

I was blessed with thick, full hair up until my late teens. At the time, I cursed my hairiness — this was before full eyebrows became trendy or cool, and were instead a point of bullying many of my fellow full-browed teens can relate to.

Later in my 20s, hormonal stability was something I was thankful for, though a major side effect ended up being hair loss — on my head, lashes, and brows. I now find my filling in my brows on an almost daily basis. As much as I enjoy toying with and testing out different brow-filling products, it'll never be quite the same as being able to have "I woke up like this" full, Gigi Hadid-esque brows.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month, A Reminder We Need Even More In Quarantine

You're going through something brand new — that's worth talking about.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This isn't new to 2020, but oh man, if we ever needed a reminder about the importance of mental health, now is the time. With different states all over the place in regard to stay-at-home orders, phased reopenings, and a "new normal," we're experiencing conflict, fear, changes, and unknowns that can easily trigger mental struggles we already have or spark feelings we've never had before. Yes, May is always Mental Health Awareness Month, but in quarantine, that need for positive mental health is taken to a whole new level.

Keep Reading... Show less

Everyone is LOVING "Outer Banks," as you've probably heard. And if you haven't caught the hype for the show yet, these articles will definitely give you a taste of what you're missing.

If you already have seen and fallen in love with the teen heartthrob crew, you need to get on board with some of these theories for season two!

Keep Reading... Show less

These 11 Face Masks On Etsy Support Small Businesses While Fighting The Spread Of Coronavirus

We're staying safe as states start lifting lockdown guidelines.

I, like most people who have had the luxury of being able to stay at home during this time, haven't spent much time outdoors at all. But when I do brave the great outdoors for a walk or to get to the grocery store, you won't find me without a mask.

My family and I were lucky enough to have family friends who were sewing some and had extras to give to us, but most of my friends and loved ones outside my immediate family have had to order some (or make a makeshift one out of scarves or bandanas).

Keep Reading... Show less

13 Reasons We're Using Quarantine As The Ultimate Excuse For Online Shopping This Month

The one thing we haven't distanced from is our bank account.

Throughout quarantine, I've been FaceTiming most of my friends in a full turtleneck or the go-to cozy sweater I keep wrapped around the chair in my room. Either way, I always have tea in my hands to keep myself warm — till this past week.

For most of the country who hasn't had the luck of quarantining in 90-degree weather on their family's lake house or with a backyard pool, things began to change this month. Our favorite shows came out with summer seasons, the sun came out, and we started spending more time outside.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments