Currently, I live with three roommates in a dorm room at Ohio Wesleyan University. Since the beginning of the year, we have been writing down quotes from each of us and creating a quote wall in our room. My roommates and I (like most college students) have a flair for sarcasm and over dramatic tendencies, so I thought it would be fun for this week's article to share some of our best quotes that describe what it can be like to live with college roommates. I also wanted to tell a couple of our ridiculous roommate jokes and stories. Here's to you, Room 305! Enjoy!
1. "Doris and I are disgusting trash-people insomniacs."
Something I just casually decided to tell our potential fourth roommate over Facebook messenger when we were filling out housing applications last year.
2. "Let the record state, Hayley Glessner just assaulted me with a soda can from the top bunk."
Because literally anything you bring up to the top bunk ends up falling off at some point or another.
3. "This is too much drama for a Thursday."
This works for pretty much any day of the week, since we basically have nightly ranting sessions about everything going on in our lives.
4. "I have to play this song because it’s stuck in my head, is that okay with you? I’m probably gonna dance real bad to it.”
A nightly activity in Room 305.
5. “Stop being considerate! Just do whatever you have to do!”
When your roommate is constantly apologizing about making noise while getting ready for bed.
6. "Is this supposed to be an inside joke? Because I don’t know it! I’m not inside! I’m outside of the joke!”
When you go home for a weekend you miss EVERYTHING.
7. “I’m glad you got up to pee because it gave me a chance to check that you weren’t a chainsaw murderer.”
Those usual late night worries that come with living with a roommate.
8. “I literally just rapid-ordered a cinnamon roll for pickup.”
A late Sunday morning kind of activity.
9. “I’d be a great wing-woman. You see that face? That’s a nice face. You should kiss that face.”
What can I say? As roommates, we are constantly playing cupid for one another.
10. Nora
Less of a quote, more of an icon. Nora is a stock image of an elderly woman with an inhaler that one of my roommates has pinned up on her bulletin board. Yes, we relate to her. Yes, we ask her for help on a daily basis. Yes, it's weird. No, we don't care.
11. “You look like you’re about to kill someone. It’s a good look on you.”
My roommates and I are constantly egging each other on, no matter the topic.
12. “Why would you tell me a thing like that? I’m the worst troll.”
In Room 305, anything you say or do will be held against you at some point by one of your three roommates.
13. Face wash out the window
Once, one of my roommates forgot her face wash upstairs when she was packing to leave campus for the weekend. Instead of going back upstairs and grabbing it, she called one of my other roommates, who then proceeded to throw her face wash out of our third story window so that she could catch it from the parking lot below. I don't know why, but this is still one of my favorite stories from our room.
14. “If you wake up too early, I will punch you back to sleep.”
Because making sure your roommates are taking care of themselves is key.
15. "It wasn't me. I haven't fallen asleep yet."
My roommate sleep talks. One time, after making a series of strange noises in her sleep, she proceeded to tell me that she was not the one making the noises because she hadn't fallen asleep yet. She did not remember any of this the next morning.
16. “It’s gonna bite me and I’m gonna die!” “KILL IT WITH FIRE!”
There was a spider in our room. Enough said.
