College Park offers a ton of fine eateries for your late night hunger pangs. How is one supposed to choose? No worries because this quiz got you.
1. First thing, how much money are we talking?
A. Money is no object when it comes to taste
B. $5 to cure this insatiable hunger
C. $5 to cure this insatiable hunger and social media opportunity
D. Uhhhhhh I might have some coins in my pocket?
E. I have more money than the people who picked B and C, but I'm not going to be as annoying as the person who picked A
F. COUPONS AND DEALS
2. What atmosphere are you looking for?
A. I want to be reminded of a classic pizzeria back home on Long Island/New York/Westchester/New Jersey. I live within, like, 30 minutes from Manhattan. Like it is SO not a big deal but it does make me better than you. Sorry what were we talking about? This isn't real pizza.
B. I just want food
C. I am looking for the most ratchet atmosphere possible at a restaurant
D. The shadier at 1AM, the better
E. I just want to pick up something
F. Far away from the foolishness so I can enjoy my food in peace
3. How hungry are you?
A. Pretty hungry
B. REAL HUNGRY
C. REAL HUNGRY AND EVERYONE ON MY SNAPCHAT STORY NEEDS TO KNOW
D. I am so hungry that I don't care if this is edible
E. Not really hungry, just craving something if we're being honest
F. I will literally eat the Uber diver that drove me here if my food isn't finished soon
4. What do you say after you finish your meal?
A. "Honestly? I've had better. Yeah I know I come here most night, but I totally mean it."
B. "I was gonna save half for tomorrow but..."
C. "What should be my caption?"
D. "I can't believe I just voluntarily did that."
E. "I can't believe I just spent this much on that."
F. "I think my heart just stopped."
5. How much do you regret your food choice in the morning?
A. I regret that I spent money on inauthenticity
B. Why do I keep doing this to myself?
C. I'm doing it for the experience, no regrets
D. As long as I didn't lose in Russian Roulette with food poisoning, we're all good
E. There are worse things to put in my body. At least I think so.
F. You wouldn't feel so hot if you ate a whole stick of butter either
Mostly A's: Slices
You're craving pizza, but you're gonna be high maintenance about it. Slices offers a ton of options in order for you to lie to yourself that you're "not eating real pizza so it's okay!" You're willing to splurge for your cravings and I can't blame you because mac n cheese pizza is bomb.
Mostly B's: Pizza Mart
Normal sized pizza isn't enough. Pizza Mart isn't just a restaurant, it's a lifestyle. You are so ride-or-die for Pizza Mart that you are willing to singlehandedly fight every Pizza Kingdom fan.
Mostly C's: Pizza Kingdom
The more well-known jumbo slice seller. Pizza Kingdom always offers a view of the foolishness of College Park at late hours. Did you even go to Pizza Kingdom if you didn't document it somewhere?
Mostly D's: 7-Eleven
When you tell people your late night eatery is 7-Eleven, you usually get weird looks. To quote Lil Wayne, "I call them April babies, cause they're fools." If you're ballin' on a budget, 7-Eleven is definitely a respectful choice. Sorry we all don't have the funds to finance our nights and food, okay?
Mostly E's: Insomnia Cookies
Like 99% of late night food options in College Park are pizza and similar products. Sometimes a person just needs a cookie ice cream sandwich instead of another jumbo slice. Be prepared to shell out $$$ if you're looking for more than one measly cookie.
Mostly F's: DP Dough
This isn't a game. DP Dough calzones are roughly the size of a small football. You mean business, even if it means consuming a stick of butter. Will you regret eating the whole thing in the morning? Yes. But the Mac Daddy is so good.
