“It doesn’t fit.” The three words that so frequently came out of my mouth growing up. It. Doesn’t. Fit. These three words have haunted me not only through my childhood but through my entire life thus far. How can one phrase have such an impact on your life. How can one phrase keep you from eating a meal...or maybe two? My thighs are too big, my arms are too big, my stomach is....I can’t even find words for that area anymore. Different. I am so different than all of my friends. They grew up with these slim and petite bodies and I just didn’t. What could I do?

Lose the weight. Okay, 20 pounds, gone. It’s gone forever. No, now it's back....now it’s gone. Meals skipped, homemade lunches that were packed by my mother with love, wasted and thrown away in the garbage at lunch time. That desire to be perfect was overwhelming. The feeling you get when hearing the new phrase “You’re so tiny!” sends a rush of joy through my blood. I can feel my skin tingling with the sensations of desire for more. More admiration. More jealousy. More, more, more. I wanted it all. I was finally at my goal weight, but I still wasn’t fitting in. Was I doing something wrong? The answer...yes.

It was time to take control of this. My life. My rules. My body, not yours. And finally, after years of struggling for the words, I can finally say, “It doesn’t fit, but it doesn’t matter.”