Dear Santa,
Hi! I hope this letter finds you well. You'll be very happy to know that I've been a good girl this year. I've stayed out of jail and the only people I hung up on were telemarketers. I've cleaned out my fridge regularly, worked hard in school, and made some wonderful friends. I'm sure you love them, too! But as this semester comes to a close and we look forward to the holidays, there are some questions that have been on my mind.
First, how many times has Mariah Carey sung at the North Pole? And what does Mrs. Claus think about it? I wouldn't be comfortable hearing Ms. Carey serenade my future husband with "All I want for Christmas is you!" I'd watch out if I were you; Mrs. Claus may put you on her Naughty list!
Do you ever get songs stuck in your head? You know, songs that make you cringe as soon as you realize they're not going away. I'd imagine that "Last Christmas" by Wham! is a contender. Or you could secretly be a fan; I wouldn't judge you. But when you get tired of it, what do you listen to on the North Pole's radio? I'm assuming that one of your talented elves runs the show. Does NPR really stand for North Pole Radio? Can I listen to a song or two when you come by on Christmas Eve?
Personally, I think the Little Drummer Boy should've been on "Bethlehem's Got Talent!" Did he ever get his big break? And was his mother one of those stage moms who doesn't let her prodigious kid have a normal childhood? It's a lot of pressure to play for the Messiah, but he deserves to have fun, too!
Did you ever find out what the Herald Angel sings? He sure does like to say "Hark!" a lot. Does he JuJu on that beat, or does he like to whip and nae nae? I bet he can bring the house down!
Now on to logistics. As my family and I bake cookies for your arrival, I have to ask: what is Rudolph's favorite food? I'll try to leave some bread for the rest of the reindeer, but I want to take special care of Rudolph since the others were so mean to him. Does he eat gluten free? Is he lactose intolerant? Please let me know of any dietary restrictions before the big night.
Is it really all that fun to ride in a one horse open sleigh? It sounds terrifying, but you may be one of those adrenaline junkies who lives to hear the "whoosh!" of the wind against your red coat and white, fuzzy beard. You do have seat belts, right?
My last question is the biggest of all. Can you bring me my diploma for Christmas? You're the best, Santa, and I have no doubt that you can do it!
Stay merry and bright,
Rachel
