As the world is rapidly changing with new movements, new controversies, and new political ideologies, the journey of faith and religion through a millennial’s life is one that seems to be pushing and pulling us between values of 2000 years ago and values of modern day socially-connected America.

I think it’s fair to say if you’re reading this article, you’re probably either very set in your views on religion/spirituality, or you’re just as confused as I am. I have made it a priority to leave all political agenda aside and keep this as unbiased as possible, especially since I am not biased any way towards anything at this point. I ask that you read this with an open mind, without previous bias and without judgement towards a 19-year-old who is still trying to find her meaning and purpose in this life.

Like a majority of the people in my small community, I was raised in the church. I actively and willingly took part in church-sponsored volunteer work, my youth group, my church music ensembles, you name it. My congregation did so much to help me to grow in my faith. But, as I started to go through my mid-teens, I started to question some of the things that I had been taught because sometimes what the Bible said hadn’t really sat well with me. I would tell my parents, and they would tell me (with a look of sheer disappointment) that I didn’t read the Bible often enough to fully understand what one passage means. That was the church’s response to almost anything: read the Bible and you’ll know, don’t question it for now. So I didn’t bring up my questions again - I was just too uneducated, I guess.

Now I have completed my first year in college and I have gone to more than a few church and chapel services held by my campus. In no way am I forced to go to these services. But, since my school also has an enormous amount of international students, I’m also exposed to the fact that there are different religions. Growing up in a small town, there was only the division of Christians and non-Christians - now there were Muslims, Buddhists, Satanists, Jews, Atheists, and unbelievers all around me. I have been privileged to have this opportunity to study at a small Lutheran liberal arts school. I value education more than anything else in my life. The school has Christian ideals, but in no way do I feel forced to be a Christian. In fact, my views have been challenged all year long as I’m exposed to more and more diversity. I’d say that a big moment of my questioning was in my freshman rhetoric class when we were given the semester long question of “What do you know, and how do you know it?”. This was mind boggling at first, but soon we -- as mature young adults! -- were able to have civil and thoughtful discussion about why we think certain ways, how our environments influenced us, and how we can prove we are right. This has given me the opportunity to actually look around and wonder why I believe what I believe.

This obviously had an affect on my faith. I was being pulled two different ways between my political ideologies and how my religion felt about them. I felt (and still do feel) guilty questioning my faith. A real Christian would never do that, right? I was given a safe environment at college that challenged me to ask questions about faith with my peers with honest answers for them. People encouraged me to ask questions, to fully evaluate the answers I was given, to compare and contrast information, and to seek more knowledge than what was just assigned to me in class. I was using my own reasoning to decide what I believe, not my parent’s reasoning, not my pastor’s reasoning, not a religion’s reasoning. I was finally able to stand firm in the fact that I do not know enough information to decide what I feel or how I feel. I think a God would be more pleased that I decided to follow him with my full heart after some difficulty rather than follow him because others told me to. I’m not ashamed to admit that to my peers because I know that many of them are also feeling this way. We are all seeking this knowledge of a greater power together.

I have come home to my Christian household and have been letting down those around me because I am no longer following my religion like I was before. And of course, Christian parents are always the most disappointed because they don’t know here they went wrong with their parenting and raising their kid as a Christian. I’d like to say that I’m pleased that I am no longer blindly following something that I am not knowledgeable about. Also, my beliefs are not a reflection on any way that my parents have raised me - they’ve raised me to be an informed individual who can make her own decisions. This is the real struggle I have been having - telling people that I’m just trying to figure things out for now. I get the same answers of “All you’re being fed is liberal propaganda!” or “Your generation is all the same!” or “You won’t be questioning your faith when you’re on your knees crying if God comes tomorrow!” These close-minded statements are ones that have made me embrace the exploration of other possibilities. I am not fed liberal propaganda, I am being fed the encouragement to question. My generation is not all the same because there are many people who still follow God who I have had many discussions with about faith (and it also blatantly offends me that someone would assume that I can only follow what everyone else my age does just because I am still a teenager). When/if God comes back to Earth, I don’t think that I’ll immediately switch to being a Christian to save my “Eternal Life”, because being a Christian only to save your afterlife is not what the religion is about. There are always assumptions that just because I’m young, I assume that I know everything and I am following suit with my whole generation in choosing not to believe. This is ironic, because I have literally just admitted that I do not know what I believe and I do not know as much as I need to.

There should never be a part in your life that you are done learning and that you are done questioning. We are all continuously growing as humans and in our faiths. The diversity of this world is phenomenal. We all have our own stories which have made us the people who we are now. Never close your mind to other possibilities because there are new experiences that we go through every day that shape us as individuals in our own beliefs.