I have identified as agnostic for seven years now. I was briefly an atheist, but mainly because I was mad at the world (can you blame me? I was 16.) Growing up in a family with a Western European nationality, Catholicism is handed down effortlessly. When you start going to church every Sunday before you can walk and are matriculated into the Catholic school system before you can write, it becomes a weekly habit that you feel like you can’t break. And if you ask a church-going Catholic why they return every week and what they get out of it, a decent seven times out of ten, the response has more to do with the fact that their parents made them and has less to do with their passion for, and belief in God.

Catholicism is just about obedience. Every week my grandmother would ask my mom whether we went to church, to which my mom would respond “yes,” and that’s about where the conversation ended. No “how did you feel about the sermon? Which hymn did you like the best today? Do you feel a closer spiritual connection to God after that mass?” For me, if I had a religious bone in my body, I would want to get something significant out of that hour I just spent alternating between sitting, standing and kneeling. If you ask my dad why he goes to church, he says it’s because that’s how he was raised and he does it to please his mother and my mother. Practicing a religion to please or be accepted by other people is not the right reason to be a part of that religion.

So after 16 years of careful observation and asking people questions that made them uncomfortable about their dedication to their faith, I came to the conclusion that Catholicism is religious brainwashing (if you ask me, all religion is brainwashing, but I’ll save that for another article.) Here are a few observations by an agnostic who grew up in the Catholic church:

1. You’re forced to go to church.

As long as I was living in my parents’ house, which was until I was 18, I was forced to go to church every Sunday even though they knew I hated it and did not benefit from it in any way. In fact, the forcible nature of it made it less appealing to me. There were times when I was younger that I would go to avoid being grounded for the rest of the week, but I would escape to the bathroom and not return for the entirety of the mass.

2. Your family frowns upon your decision to disassociate from religion.

I will never be the favorite child simply because I exercised autonomy in my spiritual life. Up until I was about 17, my Evangelical aunt and uncle would pull me aside at family gatherings to see if I’d changed my mind about religion since the last time they tried to convert me. I am considered a “wild child” by my family, simply for going against the Catholic grain. However, shout out to the friends of mine who are die hard Jesus fans, but don’t make my agnostic self feel unwelcome. You guys are the real MVPs.

3. No other religions exist.

When you’re about 13, in the Catholic church, it’s time for you to make your Confirmation, which is a ceremony in which you profess your commitment to the religion pretty much for the rest of your life. However, at this point, the only religion these kids have been exposed to is Catholicism. There’s no point at which they briefly cover the principles of Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, or Judaism in C.C.D. (a weekly religious class that one attends from preschool through 8th grade.) When I was 18, my best friend and I dabbled in Buddhism, but it wasn’t until I took a college world religions course that I learned about religions like Jainism and Zoroastrianism. What if 13 year olds are unsure of this lifelong religious commitment and want to see if there’s another religion that better suits them? Or maybe they just don’t relate to spirituality at all? Too bad. It’s like when academic advisors expect freshmen to know what they want to major in as soon as they come to college. Young people should not have to make such impactful decisions.

So, I encourage you to explore other religions and see what works for you. Your spiritual life should not be handed down to you like the China plates you’re only allowed to use on Thanksgiving are. Take control of your spirituality.