A little while ago I wrote an article on here talking about a Huffington Post article on identity labels. The article talked about different types of sexuality and gender labels that show more of a spectrum within the LGBTQIA+ community and one of those labels was queerplatonic.
From what I’ve been able to understand from writing that article and continuing research, a queerplatonic relationship is one where the people involved have a close emotional bond that is not romantic or sexual. People in these relationships may want to be life partners and live together. For many, including myself, I considered this just to be a friendship. I’ve certainly had friends for 10+ years and we’ve talked about living together once finances allow it. We've discussed what our dreams and goals are for the future. While I understand that not everyone’s friendships are like this, it’s been what’s worked for me and it was the easiest thing for me to compare to.
In the initial article I was only really talking about the HuffPost piece itself and the comments at the bottom of the page, but looking into the actual term was more of an afterthought. Now I see that there is much more to the topic than I gave it credit for. To begin with, not everyone has a deep emotional connection with their friends. Some people have the belief that once those feelings become “too much” they take that as something romantic or sexual.
There is also the aspect that a long term deeply involved friendship isn’t socially acceptable. Especially when it comes to heterosexual friendships, there’s always someone who believes that the people involved will become “more than just friends” or one day wake up and discover how they’re meant for each other. Many people still hold onto the belief that men and women can’t be friends without at least one of the people wanting something to become “more” and I can speak from experience when I say that there will always be that person who pretty much pressures you into admitting you have feelings for someone you are friends with just because of the gender difference. There is also a useful term for people on the asexual/aromantic spectrum who want companionship more than anything else.
Queerplatonic relationships go beyond that social norm. The word itself is pretty self-explanatory when you consider the usage of the words “queer” and “platonic”, but as a term in itself, it may confuse some. Couple that with the fact that societal norms are heavily enforced you’ve got a term that people can identify with. While there are some who will always question, “Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you’re not in love with?” There’s no need to worry about them.
