"Quality over quantity."
It's a phrase we've all heard. If you know the meanings of the two "q" words in the phrase, then you understand what it's getting at. It's best to have better things, as opposed to many things, and this applies to just about everything.
Let's break this down with a pizza analogy:
Would you rather have one piece of the most incredible pizza you've ever tasted or have an entire pizza that tasted okay, but the crust was a little too much like cardboard and they ripped you off on the toppings?
Okay- so maybe pizza was a bad example because all pizza is good pizza, but I think you get where I'm going with this. (Hint: You're supposed to pick the single piece of the most delicious pizza you've ever tasted.)
My point is, it's important to pay attention to the quality of things in your life because it's far more important than the quantity of those things.
I was on Facebook the other day, and I noticed that I have 942 Facebook friends. 942. Do you know how many of those "friends" I actually talk to or keep in touch with? About 25 at most- some of which are family, some of which are housemates, and the others are my closest friends.
The number of Facebook friends I have got me thinking- why do we feel that it's so important to have a large number of friends? As kids, we are driven by the goal of being "popular," and we are taught that the number of Facebook friends, Instagram and Twitter followers, and Snapchat buddies we have is some sort of representation of our self-worth.
The truth is, you can have all the "friends" in the world; you can have the following of a Kardashian or the fans of LeBron James, but at the end of the day, if none of those so-called friends are good quality friends, who do you really have?
I have always been the type of person to have a small group of close friends. Some people like the big parties and having a crazy social life, and don't get me wrong- I enjoy a big party every once in a while too, but I am much more in my element hanging out with a small group of friends where we have more in common than just our terrible beer pong skills or the town we grew up in.
The older I get, the fewer fingers I need to count my true friends- the ones who I consider high-quality people who have a positive impact on my life. Now, I am not the judge of what constitutes a quality friend, but from my 21 years of life, I think I can list a few things you should look at when evaluating whether or not a friend is a quality friend versus just another person adding to your quantity of friends.
1. Quality friends are truly happy for your success.
They understand what's important to you, and they know how hard you've worked to get where you are. So, at the end of the day when you're standing at the top of that podium in first place, they are there in the front of the crowd, clapping- not because that's the polite thing to do, but because they are sincerely proud of you.
2. Quality friends give you honest advice. They don't just tell you what you want to hear.
True friends don't sugarcoat the truth and say whatever's necessary to avoid hurting your feelings; they tell you what they honestly think because they are looking out for your best interest. True friends tell you things that are hard to hear in the best way they know how.
3. Quality friends always take your feelings into consideration, and if they hurt them, they apologize.
Part of being a good friend is caring. Quality friends never want to see you unhappy, and therefore they will never intentionally do anything to cause you to feel that way. And, if for some reason, they do hurt you, they will apologize. Whether or not you see eye to eye on the issue at hand, a true friend will always be sorry for hurting you, and they will be mature enough to let you know that.
4. Quality friendships should not be hard work.
All the drama, all the petty arguments and fights - they aren't worth it. Friendships are supposed to be a safe haven where you can go to escape the madness, to feel supported, happy, and loved. If you're upset with a friend, address it, talk it out, makeup. Friendship requires a little effort, of course, but it should never feel like work. And if it does, maybe you should put your time and energy into battles that can be won.
5. Quality friendships are not formed out of "convenience."
As we get older, we move, get into relationships, go to school, get married, and have kids. Quality friends know that, despite the lack of regular phone calls and texts, you are still on their side, and you can be confident that they are on yours. Your friends should not be simply based on the convenience of their location or their mutual friends, but on the genuine connection you have with them.
6. Quality friendships are friendships that you can't picture your life without.
The people you keep in your life should add something to it- something positive, something special. They should make your days better, make you smile, and teach you something. A quality friend should be someone you are happy to have met, someone enjoyable to be around. If a friend is only bringing negativity into your life, it might be time to decrease the quantity of the "friends" you have by one.
Based on these six criteria I've come up with to judge the value of friends, I can say that I am fortunate enough to have quality friends in my life. And if you judge your friends based on the things I just mentioned, I think you might gain a little insight into the quality of friends that you keep.
I don't have 15 friends who I'd put in my wedding party. I don't invite 20 people to my house for drinks. I pretty much hang out with the same small groups of people at home and at school, but I have never once wished for more than what I have. The quality of the people I have in my life is so significant that all the friends in the world could not make me feel more loved.
My quality friends have taught me how to be a quality friend myself. They have helped me become the person I am. Quality friendships have taught me how to be in a quality relationship. They have taught me what matters and who matters.
So, when you're at your next high point or at rock bottom and you pick up the phone to call someone, think about who you're calling. Is it a friend on the other end of the line? Chances are, that friend is a quality friend because you're going to them in a time of need. Just remember how lucky you are to have them. Let them know you appreciate them because the older we get, the fewer and farther between quality people become.
So going back to the pizza analogy I mentioned before my long rant about friendship...
If you eat that whole, crappy pizza with the cardboard crust and crappy toppings, sure, you'll feel full for a while, but then you'll just feel bloated and guilty for the calories you just inhaled by yourself.
If you have a lot of friends, sure, it will seem like you've got everything going for you- but, at the end of the day, if they aren't quality friends, you haven't gained a whole lot.
But, if you choose that one single delicious, cheesy, mouthwatering piece of pizza, you'll have zero regrets about calories and be much more satisfied with your meal, and you'll enjoy every second of eating it.
Most importantly, if you have one or a few high-quality, amazing friends, you'll be completely content and be much more satisfied with your life, and you'll enjoy every second of living it.
