The state of this world makes breathing very difficult sometimes. Normality can easily be described as insanity and the societies in which we exist seem to support with fervor all the wrong things.
Talking to people who see strictly in black and white makes color seem a hundred times more appealing, until I remember that when you mix every color together you end up right back at black again.
Attempting to define my permanent stance on divisive issues makes me almost as nauseous as the unwavering reality that I will have to decide what I want to do with my life by this time next year.
Marriage is a concept that has suddenly become much closer and much more realistic than it did when there was the comfort of saying, “when I grow up…” because there is no time built into the statement “I am growing up”.
My parents and grandparents no longer stand larger than life to me; they are getting older right before my eyes and their human frailties are more evident than ever as I watch life erode them like it does everyone else.
Historical flooding has ripped my town to its core and my house remains untouched by disaster. I am grateful for the number of privileges that I have been given but there is guilt that rides on my heart when I think about how much I have in this world that I do not deserve.
In the midst of all of these things, God always finds ways to bring peace to my soul. Most recently this peace has been brought to me through one specific song called, “In Over My Head” by Bethel Music. This song uses words that would normally have negative or violent connotations to explain the radicalness of God’s love for us. Every time I listen to it a part of me is born again as I hear the truth in the simplest of words, reminding me that God wants me infinitely more than I could ever dream of.
There is ultimate validity in the idea that we are all born broken, we are all born with an innate sense of longing for something that is incapable of being put into words. As we grow, we distract ourselves with worldly things to try and convince those around us that this thing that we are all experiencing is not, in fact, emptiness, and can be cured if we only buy more things or seek out the approval of more people.
I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of You
I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever You want to
This peace that we long for begins with being honest with God that we are in a places darker and more complicated that we would ever willingly admit to another human, for fear of scratching our pride. The simple fact of it is, we are never going to find what we are looking for if we are not looking for it in Christ. He knows this, He knows we will get lost and found and then lost again 100 times over. But he is still waiting for us, with open arms, every time we come running home to Him.
Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in
Let love come teach me who You are again
Take me back to the place where my heart was only about You
And all I wanted was just to be with You
Come and do whatever You want to
We, as humans, have an innate predisposition to place God in “boxes”, to speak on behalf of him regarding what we claim we know for certain that He can or cannot do. What authority do we have to do so? Is his knowledge not omnipotent? Is his love not all-conquering? As more and more tasks fill my calendar and I begin to designate more and more responsibility to myself than is rightfully mine, I have to forcefully remind myself to pray the lyrics above. I must take myself off the pedestal that rightfully belongs to God and allow Him more than a room in my heart, I must allow Him the entire house.
Then You crash over me and I’ve lost control but I’m free
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
And You crash over me, I’m where You want me to be
I’m going under, I’m in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
Whether I sink, whether I swim
It makes no difference when I’m beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
I’m Beautifully in over my head
These have to be some of the most freeing lyrics ever written. I mean, come on, what other than God’s love can crash over you and leave you more complete than broken? When we make the decision to let God drown us in His love, we find that His promises truly are fulfilled. Life according to our own plans feels like drowning, but when we sink to the bottom of His love-filled ocean it feels like magic. And what even better news is that “sinking” or “swimming” is the least of what God is concerned about. He doesn’t care that I failed my first Chemistry test or that my room is always a mess. He doesn’t care that my hair is never done or that I wear Nikes and a t-shirt every single day. His number one concern is that I love Him and live every day of my life striving to show this love he has put in my heart to all of His other children.
Life can feel like drowning, ranging from actual natural disasters to the messes that we create ourselves. Swimming is exhausting, especially when we are not conditioned for such a less-than-holy way of living that we convince ourselves God would approve of. We are broken, but He is whole. He shows us that through His love, being overwhelmed by this world is not a burden but a blessing. He gives us new perspective that this life he has given us does not stop or end on this earth, but extends to places far beyond our wildest imaginations. While this is only a temporary home, through Him we find that our drowning in it is no longer a cross to bear, but a beautiful mess that we have the privilege of sinking in.
I am saved by Him and sinking in His love. For this love of His is an ocean, and “I’m beautifully in over my head”.
