We are undeniably over-saturated with information. Constantly locked in on our screens, over-stimulation has become the new norm. In the rare moments when we're not constantly berated by stimuli, we begin to feel empty and alone.
But, it's these moments of loneliness, we get a true idea of who we really are, when all else falls away. I first discovered myself on an isolated stretch of beach in Pt. Reyes, California. During a week-long kayaking trip I partook in as an unconventional method of college orientation, one of the many activities we did was a mini solo experience, where we sat with ourselves and nothing else (pen and paper excluded) for the day. Again and again, I found myself scribbling Lost Coast, found at Pt. Wonder. It was like a song lyric swirling around in my head that I just couldn't figure out the rhythm to.
I came into this trip as a high school graduate, plagued with depression that I let define me, while it ebbed and flowed with no particular rhyme or reason. Sad was a feeling I knew best and was comfortable enough with our courtship that I was too scared to pursue other options. Blue was my color; blue is the color of sadness, of vast empty oceans and abysses of cloudless skies.
As the day passed, I cycled through many different styles and topics of thought. I wrote letters to loved ones and made peace with bridges burned. I thought about what I wanted, I thought about what I had and I thought about who I had. And, I came to the absolutely absurd conclusion I wasn't actually sad; I just didn't know how to let myself be happy.
I'm still learning how to do that; it's harder than I ever expected. It took being so isolated in my thoughts to even see that I have everything I need to feel endless joy. It took washing myself clean of all the stimuli we surround ourselves with, of all the senseless information, the news snippets and headlines reels I'd become so desensitized to, to realize I was OK. It took being incredibly underwhelmed to realize how overwhelmed I really was. We all need to be truly alone once in a while and make sure we like the company we keep.
Blue is my color; blue is the color of rolling waves on the shore, of sunny skies sending warmth down below, of tranquil nights under the stars; blue is the color of my love for the world. I am blue, not because I was sad, not because a million pixels a day tell me I need something else in my life to make me feel whole, not because of anyone or anything. Blue is my color because blue was everywhere when I learned how to love myself and the life I was given, found at Pt. Wonder, Lost Coast.
