We aren’t expected to have everything figured out right? I used to have a set schedule and plenty of time to spare. Now, everything I do is up to me and what I prioritize needing to do with the day. This usually means getting back from class at 10 and taking a nap. Is that bad?
I always have so much I can be doing and my to-do list goes from zero in the morning to five things things by the afternoon. I find myself sitting in study rooms during the day and tearing up looking at the list and realizing that my two hour nap accomplished nothing on the list. This, I’m afraid, is a vicious cycle.
There’s so much to get involved in here on campus and I find myself signing up for as many activities and clubs as I can and getting email after email reminding me I signed up. Now, I’m sitting here trying to make room on my calendar for evening events and meetings. I recently filled my desk calendar with just activity commitments ranging from my sorority meetings to my faith chats to my journalism workshops and there wasn’t a single weekday that I didn’t have something to do. Just looking at my calendar knowing that what’s on there isn’t even accounting for my academic requirements of studying and actually attending classes gives me anxiety.
I can feel myself getting more stressed out than I ever have been before. I used to have so much time to spare for myself and now I feel like I almost dread to start a new day that isn’t a weekend because of the amount of commitments I have. I know, they’re not mandatory; I didn’t have to sign up. But, I know myself and if I miss out on things I’d regret it. I hate having opportunities and not taking them. I hate missing out on things that makes other people better while I stay at the same level. I enjoy pushing myself but I’m beginning to realize there’s a level where I’ve pushed myself too far.
I look forward to naps because it’s ‘me time’ — something I’ve become almost detached to since I’ve started school.
PSA: you need time for yourself.
Commitments that you have in college should be because you want to do it and you’re excited about them, not because you feel like you have to join as many clubs and organizations as you can. There’s a big difference between being a well rounded individual and pushing yourself to your breaking point. College is an experience for yourself, not for others.
This is a lesson I’m starting to teach myself and it’s a difficult concept for me. I’m here for myself and I’m here to become proficient in my future career, I’m not here to be busy with organizations every evening and not having time left over to study. Don’t get me wrong though; I love being part of a sorority, I love being able to explore how my faith comes into play with my college life and I love learning more about my field of study.
I want to get involved as much as I can with the things I care about but the excess is getting to me. I don’t have plenty of time to spare anymore and now it’s time to prioritize what really matters to me now and making enough time for that as well as myself.
My life is not together (yet) and that’s okay.
