Why is coffee so important? I’ve been a barista for three years and I ask myself that question every day. I still don’t know the answer, although I have some suspicions. People have become entirely reliant on the substance to help them function, whether it’s a physical addiction to caffeine or a mental justification that assists in coping with day to day issues. Coffee is “in.” Everyone is doing it, and society has a knack of conforming to itself. Which is ironic, because people love to think they’re original; coffee allows them to personalize their drinks by creating a “unique” formula of flavors. Coffee provides millions of jobs worldwide, so at this point it probably holds the global economy together. (That’s a joke, I’m not an economist.) In a world obsessed with coffee, to hate coffee is to be in the minority. But like every human struggle it’s best to look at both the positive and the negative side; it's not about being right or wrong, it's simply about what's better for you. In order for you to judge me, and all the anti-caffeine-ists of the world, I’ve made a list of pros and cons of being a coffee-hater.

CONS:

I get “The Look”

When people ask me what’s good on the menu and I tell them I hate coffee they give me that look. Then I recommend ice water and getting out of my face.

I am constantly interrogated

After spilling the beans I am bombarded with a list of questions including but not limited to: “OMG why? How do you stay awake? What do you drink? Why do you work here? Do you hate yourself?"

Is this coffee or potion?

These days “coffee” no longer means a simple cup of black. There are so many different recipes that combine too many syrups. I feel like I’m in a Potion’s class whenever someone orders a Venti iced triple skinny marble mocha macchiato with whip. You’d fail my class because iced Venti drinks get three shots of espresso anyway and you disgust me.

Everyone wants a coffee date

I love charming boys into buying me dinner and then never speaking to them again. But the amount of dates I’ve missed because they “just want coffee” is sadder than suing Starbucks for too many ice cubes in an iced beverage.

PROS:

My body is a temple

I may eat like a total garbage truck, but at least my iced water is zero calories. How do you think I keep my figure?

I run on willpower
After I tell people I don’t drink coffee, or even consume caffeine in general, they are dumbfounded that I am somehow capable of standing on my own two feet. You want to know how I stay awake? I’m dead inside.

More funds for fun

I know people who are buying coffee every day. The average cost per cup these days is around four dollars. Let’s call it five days a week for a whole year, that’s almost five hundred dollars. I could go on a nice vacation for that much, or buy a ton of really cool pool rafts.

Sleep

By not consuming gallons of caffeine every day I give myself the ability to fall asleep whenever I want. That means at the end of a long work day I can come home and fall right to sleep, instead of dealing with a caffeine hangover headache. The lord knows I need my eight hours.