My mother has always told me that people love to talk about themselves, and as I grow older and attempt to have more "adult" conversations, I find that this is true to the umpteenth degree.
People are vain. This is obviously not a universal truth, but the question "how are you" is often directed right back at the person who asked, instead of it being a genuine inquiry about someone else's well-being.
As painful as this might be for those living the good ol' everyday life, it kills people that are just returning from studying abroad.
Here's an example (more of a prototype, because it's always the same) of conversations I have had upon returning from Europe:
"Hey! Welcome back!"
"Thank you! It's good to be back!
"How was it? Did you have fun?"
"Yes, it was the greatest thing I've ever done."
"Ugh, I'm so jealous. I want to hear all about it!"
End scene.
Trust me, us travelers appreciate the questions, but it's impossible to adequately condense three to six months of stories into one fleeting conversation. When the talk stops at that it feels empty, as if like our experiences are not actually a subject of interest.
If you want to hear our stories, simply listen. Nothing is more genuine and complimentary than just sitting and letting another person share their experiences. Put your head in your hands, lean your elbows on the table and let your friends describe the Irish countryside in detail, or the Polish breakfasts or the amazing pastry they had on a rainy Thursday in Prague.
This is a personal, yet perfect example of what someone can do:
I spent my fall semester in Bulgaria and visited five other countries. Every time I traveled I took a plain white envelope with me, and every day I would load it up with ticket stubs, brochures, candy wrappers, napkins from cool restaurants, postcards, coins and little scraps I collected along the way. I sealed them and promised to open them when I could show my family and friends upon returning home.
When I came home, those envelopes remained mostly sealed. I would bring them to coffeeshops and to people's houses to show, but somehow the conversations were never directed that way. I don't blame anyone, but it was difficult to listen to everyone else's stories and barely be able to share my own.
A few weeks after returning to school, my boyfriend took me out for coffee and told me to bring my envelopes. We sat in our favorite coffeeshop for over four hours and we took a letter opener to my envelopes, and he sat and just listened. He saw my bus receipts, the coasters I stole from a tavern in Romania, bits of my homework and most importantly, napkins with the words "I love you" written in over fourteen languages, which I gave to him.
I laughed, I cried and I messaged all the friends I made later that day to tell them I missed them. Getting to tell my stories made my experiences come alive again, which made the re-acclimating to American life a little bit easier.
So, if you know someone that has just returned to the US of A from a life-changing experience, take them out. Get some spinach artichoke dip or ice cream and ask them questions about the cultural differences they experienced and the lessons they learned. It is perhaps the biggest compliment you can pay to your friends, and you might even learn something yourself.
