So your good friend(or your child/sibling/cousin/acquaintance) just got back from spending some time away from home. They have been in a far-away country for a good chunk of time at this point, and you really miss them. If you are a really cool friend, you might even be waiting for them at the airport. You finally find each other and you help them get their luggage, and you're on your way out of the airport. The two of you are so excited to see each other, and cannot WAIT to catch up! Then you being to feel the temptation to say that seemingly harmless question:

"So, how was your trip?"

Please, please don't.

"Why not?" you may ask.

Well, it might help to think of your friend's trip another way. If you have ever read or seen The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, you might remember how, at the end of the story, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy live in Narnia for many years as kings and queens. They then return home, and discover that they are young again, and those around them expect them to live as they always were. They feel confused, caught off guard, and a little lost.

For those who have just returned home from a long time abroad, these feelings are normal. Though traveling is not at all the same as becoming royalty, returning home is just as disorienting. Being in another country forces a person to adapt to new surroundings, and as she does, she will likely find that she has new aspects of her personality, new values, and a new perspective on her homeland (for better or for worse). This makes sense: she has been through a lot of really formative experiences, and hopefully she has grown in many ways.

So, when you ask "how was the trip," your friend will likely feel pressure to summarize countless amazing memories, ones that are already fading away, into a few sentences or a paragraph. This can make the memories feel even more distant and dream-like, which nobody wants. Even if you give your friend a couple hours of your time, you are still asking them to leave out a huge majority of what they went through.

Instead, next time you welcome a traveling friend home, ask something like:

"Tell me about someone or someplace you really miss"

"What's something that happened that really changed you?"

"What is one of your favorite memories from your trip?"

"What was really hard about your time away?"

"Any hard-earned wisdom to share about life here at home?"

Questions like these show that you respect that the other person has gone through something that can never be fully summarize or shared. They demonstrate that you get you are talking to a new person. They also show that you know you will never completely understand their experience, but that you are willing to learn what you can.

At the end of Narnia, when the four Pevensies return home through the wardrobe, their uncle finds them:

Professor Kirke: What were you all doing in the wardrobe?

Peter Pevensie: You wouldn't believe us if we told you, sir.

Professor Kirke: Try me.