Things were easy between us, and then you went and flipped the script when I wasn’t looking.

You were my best friend. You were not supposed to be someone who hurt me. Yet here we are.

Here I am trying to stitch myself back together after you tore apart what was so loosely put together in the first place. Then I let you back in and you tore me apart again. I trusted you. You took advantage of how trusting and kind and forgiving I was.

You turned me into someone who no longer knows how to trust, someone who cannot see the good in people, someone who does not know how to forgive, because all I can see is what you did. How someone who was supposed to be my best friend, ruined me, and broke my heart.

You were the first person to break my heart, and you were the last person I thought would.

Still that was who you ended up being. You ended up being the person who blew out the fire that was in my soul. You were the rain that came whenever I tried to relight it. And now, even almost a year later, you are still keeping the matches from me.

I want my matches back. I want to be able to light the fire in my soul again. I want to be able to be who I was before you took everything you did from me.

How is that you still have so much power over me? How did it get to the point where I can barely stomach being in the same room? Where I have to mentally prepare myself to be there? Where I am counting down the minutes until I can get out of there? How did it come to this? How did I not see it coming?

I know asking all of these questions is useless and I’ll never get to know the answers, and maybe I don’t want to know them because they might actually hurt me more than I already am. And I don’t know if I can handle it when I am not even healed yet.

Even though I might not be healed, and I might still be just a little bit broken, I get a little bit stronger.

Each time a heart breaks, it is different, it is guarded. My heart is so guarded right now that it would need an army to get to it. I am trying to learn to trust people again. I am trying. I am trying harder than you ever did with me. I am not going to let this destroy me any longer.