Sitting in the sand on the bank of the Saco River up in Maine, I was surrounded by some of my closest friends. We decided to go around and ask one question that everyone had to answer, so my friend Zack asked, "what do you like least about yourself?" On first thought, I immediately assumed my answer would be something about my physical appearance, since society and the media give that area so much attention. However the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I hate how bored I always am. It took a chain of thoughts to get me to understand that what I disliked most about myself was how I did not have a hobby or area that I felt passionate about.
As silly as it may sound, not having a hobby or something I am passionate about can be such a downer. At the club fair last year, I did not know which clubs to join, because I didn't know what I was even interested in. I know that will be an issue I come across this year as well, since I still have not figured it out yet. To me, having something I am passionate about means that I can work really hard at becoming better at it, and eventually excel in that area of life. I have friends who love dance, so they become determined to be the best dancer they can be. And there are others who are dedicated to singing, so they take voice lessons and try out for the chamber singers group at school. I fell into neither of these categories, so after school I would find myself going to "fitness class" (I couldn't even choose a sport to play in high school), or alone with my homework, while my friends were rehearsing their talents.
Not having a hobby, talent, or something I am passionate about makes me wonder how others see me. How would they describe me? There is no one thing that embodies me, no activity that I am associated with. I am not "Gracie? You know the girl who's really good at dance?" While my Marnie the Dog obsession may define me within my social circles, in reality, that is not something I should be known for. I want to be the girl who everyone knows is good at _________, but that is simply not the case. To me, not having a talent just makes me average.
Whether it be reading, painting, singing or dancing, it seems like everyone has a hobby. For the longest time, I kept trying to find something that I loved to do in my spare time. As a kid, I tried out multiple different activities, including ballet, soccer, basketball, art, swimming, and ice skating. However I did not grow attached to any of these things. I suppose a major part of the phenomenon was that I just couldn't motivate myself to try to become good at any of these activities, and since I wasn't excelling, I wasn't interested in sticking with them. This issue did not occur to me, nor did I realize it was a problem in my life until that night on the Saco River. It is frustrating to be so all over the place. I want to find something I can focus on and hone in on, but I don't even know where to turn to find it.
