Coping with anxiety is a huge part of my life. I can’t tell you how many times I have said no to things because the little voice in my head calculates what could go wrong.
Even something simple as going driving results in panic. What if I crash? What if I get lost? What if my full tank of gas suddenly becomes empty and OH NO is it seriously starting to rain right now? Why didn’t I check the weather? In reality, my drive is just around the corner and I don’t have to worry about any of those things.
Thinking like this every time I go out gets rather exhausting, but more exhausting is the panic I get when new opportunities come knocking at my door.
For most of my college career, I had to find opportunity. Seldom did opportunity find me. If I didn’t want to, I didn’t have to extend myself to do things that would make me uncomfortable. Which is great! Boring, but at least I felt safe. However, there were the times opportunities did come to me. I would freak.
On one hand, I felt flattered people thought of me. They truly believed I could do the task at hand or thought I was interesting enough to hang out with. But, on the other, I thought that was their biggest mistake. Trusting me. What if I’m not as funny as I thought? What if my writing is terrible? What if I accidentally set something on fire? The scale of thoughts could either be rational or totally off the deep end, and I can’t control any of it.
Then it becomes a catch-22. If I accept the opportunity, hey! It’s a great resume builder or a potential to meet new people, but I would be on edge the entire time. If I decline the opportunity, I get to feel comfortable and carry on with my usual well-known routine. Yet, then comes the sense of dread that I let someone down, that I’m missing out on something, and that I won’t be asked to do something ever again.
Here’s the thing that I need to understand, and what others should too. It’s ok. Whatever approach you take to new things, it’s going to be fine. Putting yourself in uncomfortable positions is what helps you grow. It’s okay to make mistakes, otherwise, how would you learn?
The other thing, what sometimes isn’t considered, is that it is also okay to not want to be in uncomfortable positions. Usually it is encouraged to take every opportunity thrown at you, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to jeopardize your mental health or let yourself be physically sick.
Understand that there will always be an abundance of opportunities. For the longest time it didn’t seem like it to me, mostly because I kept thinking that if I declined one then that I meant I was unavailable to others. That’s not true! Opportunities are there, and they are waiting for you when you are ready.
