I work hard at the things I do. I work hard not only because I feel the need to, but because I want to do things right. I listen to instructions, ask questions, and try my best to help others that might need it, even though I often find myself questioning what is going on around me. I don’t need someone peering over my shoulder and raising an eyebrow at how I’m getting things done. And I especially don’t need somebody to comment, “Oh wow, you’re not doing so bad for someone with ADHD.”
Seriously, why would you think that’s an okay thing to say?
It’s such a backhanded comment. Yes, I have ADHD. Yes, I would like to be open about it. No, I do not think people should expect less of me because of it. I am still a human being. I am still a person. I have goals and I have expectations. I might have to go about some things differently and take more time getting them done, but I’m not doing it to waste someone’s time and I’m not showing frustration as a signal that I want to give up. I have been in situations before where I have explicitly asked for help multiple times, only to be given the same vague instruction repeatedly, which is a careless way of “helping” somebody. It shows that you believe your time is more valuable than mine and that you don’t really care if I understand something or not. I’ve also had these same people see how I have developed coping skills for following the steps they failed to help me learn and make that absolutely insulting comment stated above.
And to top it all off, this usually comes after me confiding in them about my disorder. I don’t tell people about it very often because I am truly afraid that people won’t expect much from me due to damaging stigmas that come with having ADHD. Or, worse than that, they won’t believe that I truly have ADHD and I’m only saying that to make excuses for things that might happen in the future, like lateness or forgetting. Sometimes I tell people that I struggle with math because of my ADHD, as that is what it showed when I was tested a few months ago. Not all people with ADHD struggle with math as I do, but for me it was very clear on my results that it was not my strong suit whatsoever. And just because I tell you this as you are looking over my shoulder at the page full of notes and numbers that you would personally deem unnecessary and excessive, does not mean that you can applaud me for doing so well for someone with my disorder. How about I’m doing okay period? How about telling me I’m getting the hang of it? How about anything that doesn’t involve you throwing my disorder back in my face under the guise of a cheap, plastic gold star covered in lint because it was buried deep within the pocket of your jeans? The amount of flattery I felt from that comment was astounding -- as there was not any.
I mean, could you imagine telling someone, “You’re pretty good -- for someone with a disorder!”?
I want people to see what I’m capable of. I want people to see that I care about the things I do and I want to do them right. I want people to know that I can do anything that anyone else can. I want people to see that it might take more time, but I’ll be working just as efficiently as the person next to me once I’ve got it down. I want my disorder to be an afterthought when it comes to my accomplishments. It’s a slightly difficult relationship to have, because I want awareness for my disorder, but I also don’t want to be labeled as a someone that can’t be relied on when I am up front about it (once again, nasty stigmas come in to play here).
Most of all, though, I don’t want you to see my disorder as something that holds me back. I don’t see it that way and neither should you. So, please don’t make comments that imply that. Thank you.
