Just when you thought you were done with pretending to care about the Super Bowl, March comes around and makes you endure another sport you know nothing about.
March Madness is a time for die-hard fans to show their school spirit, or, in most cases, for bandwagon fans to root behind the winning teams and claim they’ve loved them all along. Let’s be honest. We’re all just in it for the extra cash that we hope to win from our winning bracket. After all, if I were genuinely interested in watching sweaty boys running around and nervously pacing from the sidelines, I’d go to Planned Parenthood.
Here are three key steps to master March Madness without ever having to learn that the word “traveling” that doesn’t just apply to your summer plans.
Step 1: Pick a team.
This may seem like an obvious first step, but it requires a lot of dedication. You will eat, sleep and breath this team. If you aren't seen wearing their apparel or posting obnoxious Facebook statuses about how they advanced to another round, you're doing it wrong. Choose wisely because this team will be your life for the next three weeks or at least until they lose, and you move on to another team.
Step 2: Make a bracket.
People claim that there is a scientific process that goes into picking the perfect bracket, but clearly, those people have never won. Seeing as you are not the star of "That's So Raven," you cannot predict what will happen in the weeks to come. Instead of skill, pick teams based on name recognition, hottest players or team colors. This is a sure fire way to ensure that you will have the winning bracket, or at least you stand as much of a chance as anyone else.
Step 3: Constantly watch and talk about March Madness.
This is by far the hardest step. No matter how much you would rather be watching "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," the second someone walks by the television you must change the channel and pretend you have been watching the game all along. When you are out to dinner and scrolling through Instragram while your waiting for a table, pretend that you are reading stats on the most recent game. Most importantly, do not talk about anything but basketball. This might be challenging as you are not the most knowledgable on this subject, but just keep talking about how your team will go all the way and you'll be fine.
Pro Tip:
If you really want to fake a March Madness interest, your best bet is to pretend to root for the number one seed. Chances are, they'll be out within the first or second round, and you'll be able to pretend, along with every other American that selected them as the winner, that you are too devastated by their loss to keep following the games.
Good luck, and remember that March is only 31 days long.
