There are a lot of people who end a relationship, and then claim to hate the person or tell people that they never loved their ex in the first place. Usually, this attitude is a complete 360 in the way they talked about the person before. How could your opinion of someone change so quickly? You posted all over social media about how important they were to you, introduced them to your family and friends, spent every second you could with them and every second you weren’t with them you were talking about them. Dating someone is all fun and good, but your real character shows after you break up with someone.
My little sister had two friends who dated the same boy a few months apart, and both came away from the experience claiming to hate the boy. Any friendship that they had with the boy previous to dating was gone and they didn’t seem to recall any of the positive attributes they had liked about him. "Ex" and "nemesis" don't have to be synonyms.
That being said, the boy became vindictive and rude once they had broken up. After the first breakup he posted all over social media, playing the wounded victim card. I was tempted to believe him, because breakups can be hard. But the second breakup he went as far as starting rumors of their sexual promiscuity to spreading drama about girls that his ex-girlfriends had a problem with.
The first time I thought that maybe it was just because the breakup was bad that he was all over social media, trying to make himself look like a victim. But the second time the relationship had been a lot shorter and, to my understanding, the breakup had been mutual (as mutual as a high school break up can be). I didn’t understand how someone could do a complete 360 in their feelings for a person just because of a title being revoked. No longer boyfriend and girlfriend, the two had now become enemies to each other.
Breakups are an important part of any relationship, although they are often glossed over. As the old saying goes, when one door closes another opens and I think that this chunk of wisdom should be applied to breakups. (After you’ve eaten your ice cream and cried a little bit, healing time is necessary.) Just because someone is not the love of your life doesn’t mean that they need to be your mortal enemy.
The next time you’re picking a new boyfriend pay attention to the way he talks about his ex-girlfriends. If he refers to more than one of them as evil or terrible maybe he just had really bad taste in women before you, or maybe he just doesn’t know how to respect anyone after he’s no longer dating them. More than likely, it’s the second option. One day you might be one of those girls and you’re not all that bad. Don’t date a boy who is going to tell his next girlfriend that you’re the devil, especially if you’re not.
And don’t call your ex-boyfriends unwarranted names. Even the worst date or relationship can be a learning experience if you can take a few steps back and laugh at yourself a little bit. Maybe you were too clingy with Bret. Too aloof with Mike. As Voltaire said, “Try again, fail again, fail better.”
Fail in love while you fall in love.
