August 3rd, 2015. I was driving my mom's nice car to go and meet her by the storage unit, so we could leave dad's truck there for when he came back from work. It was around five o'clock in the afternoon with heavy traffic as everyone got off work. I was foolish and took the wrong road and ended up knee deep in cars. And then I made the worst mistake of my life. I took my eyes off the road while my car was moving and failed to see the man in front of me brake.
The next thing I remember was the dust and the smell in the car. The ringing in my ears. The pain in my leg. I'd rear ended the man in front of me going nearly twenty miles an hour. The front of the car was destroyed (later would be determined that the car was totaled, pictured below) and all I could think was how much trouble I was gonna be in. Somehow, despite the pain in my leg, I managed to get out of the car and evaluate everything. No one else was hurt and no one else's cars were damaged. I was lucky to be alive, too. Bless Dodge Charger's and the safety measures they hold inside. The rest of the evening dragged on as police were called, a tow truck, my mother, and even a paramedic who I bravely waved off. I did end up going to the ER later that night for my leg only to find it was a deep tissue contusion. Surprisingly, I still have that contusion after almost a year.
As things died down after a couple weeks, I began to get over the accident and learned from my mistake. I became more attentive as a driver and encouraged others to pay attention to the road and stay off their phones. But as time went on, I noticed something. There was a change within me that I realized would never go away. The car accident changed me as a person and altered something in my brain.
No one thinks of how traumatizing car accidents can really be, especially fender benders like the one I was in. Most focus on physical injury and the car getting replaced but, once those heal, everything is totally okay. Wrong. Ever since my accident, I have a new fear of cars and being in traffic. I sometimes fear getting in cars with other people driving and especially lose my cool if they pick up their phones.
When we're born, our brain doesn't know to fear cars. It learns that these vehicles are helpful to get us where we need to go or are extremely cool. Despite the warnings everywhere, we don't realize just how bad they are until we experience them. Once our brains are exposed, they see every car as a reminder of that traumatic memory we experienced one time. While the memory itself might be erased, because yes brains erase and block out traumatic events, memories around it remain. The pain, the sirens, the sight of the vehicles all twisted. These images flash through your mind and send your body into panic. Hands might shake. You might get sweaty. Our brain now believes that every car out there is meant to hurt us.
People will tell you to get over your fear or that the best way to get over the accident is to just hop back in the car. That's definitely not the case. I was forced to get in another car the next day and drive over the very spot where I crashed the car before. It most certainly messed me up and did not let me heal.
Remember that after an accident, you need to not only tend to physical injury but mental injuries as well. Therapy is a wonderful thing to invest in should you find yourself fearing cars or experiencing flashbacks of the event. Do not let anyone tell you to get over it. Take care of yourself and take your time to get back into that car.
