I will start with saying that I don't know if it is just human nature to do this, or if we were nurtured by some sort of outside force, but there are so many people I know (including myself) that seem to have been trained to self deprecate in the absence of their idealistic perfection.
I have learned from experience that this negative self-talk actually will bring you further away from the personal growth that you are so desperately seeking. It's like your brain is training itself to be so disappointed in you that it actually reverses the process as if you are not deserving of all of the success that you can ultimately be worthy of in the end.
In order to get into some of the remedies for this vicious cycle, here are some reasons why this human habit does NOT work in favor of your own personal growth.
1. Negative self-talk makes your brain believe that you are not worthy.
2. It diminishes your motivation.
3. It can make you more prone to developing depression.
4. It will lead you further and further away from what you truly want in life.
5. It will leave you running in circles with no positive outcome.
6. It puts the focus on everything you've done horribly in the past, instead of how you can be better for the future.
Now that we have some reasons why self-sabotage can be extremely dangerous to oneself, let's talk about how we can make it better. In order to grow past the old habits of negative self-talk, we have to rewire and recondition the way that our brain thinks. Next time, when you make a mistake and your instincts are to beat yourself up for it-- try this instead:
Give yourself grace in the situation, and understand that you are only human. Reflect on the steps that you took to get into the situation at hand, and identify the step that led you to the mistake at hand. Instead of looking at the flaw and staring at it until you feel the self-hatred consume your entire being; simply look at it as a circumstance.
That mistake is something that happened. Instead of looking at it as another pin to add to your own personal voodoo doll of psychological torture, look at it as something to change in the future. If something goes wrong, say to yourself, "Okay, this happened. Now I have to deal with the repercussions, and I know to change my actions to get a different outcome in the future. However, at this moment I give myself permission to forgive and continue on."
With this simple change in mindset, you can find yourself learning and growing from the personal mishaps that we all have daily. If you truly want to better yourself as a person, you have to learn to give yourself the grace to humbly accept your mistakes and listen to the answers they are giving you.
We are all human. We are all imperfect. Perfection is never a standard that we should expect ourselves to live up to. However, we can encourage ourselves and others to grow to the best of our human abilities: together, and with love.