July 7th shall be a date that will go down in history as one of the most important of all of mankind. Not because of war or invention, but because this is the day POKÉMON GO CAME OUT. This app is more important than other innovations like the light bulb or the wheel. This app rewrote history, and simultaneously changed my meaningless, pitiful life. Here’s why:
5. Discovering a bunch of new places
While scouring my city for oodles of new Pokémon, every up and coming master obviously needs to refill on their virtual supplies! Luckily, this digital world is teeming with “poké-stops” all over town that you have to discover. Even when you find yourself in the middle of a graveyard at 2:34 a.m. all to catch a CP 67 Venonat, you will still be somewhat content because you just discovered a new area of your small, seemingly worn out town that you never knew existed. Just today I found dozens of dazzling statues and plaques and meadows and other tidbits of culture scattered throughout my hometown all because I wanted my egg to hatch.
4. Creating new friendships
It may sound dumb, but in the few short days that this app surfaced onto just about everyone’s phone, I believe it has made a legitimate impact on people’s sociality. On today’s hunt, I became involved in 3 different conservations with complete strangers who noticed I was also walking in circles, staring at my phone, and muttering nonsense. Not to mention the power it has had on existing friendships. It encourages lengthy walks, accompanied by a pal, deep in conversations of strategy, battling, and a general hatred for Weedle. (As long as the servers are up though. And, trust me, there is a very good chance they aren't.)
3. ALL the Nostalgia
If you are a child who was alive in the late 90’s or early 2000’s you know Pokémon like your MeeMaw knows I Love Lucy. It is nearly impossible for someone not recognize Pikachu’s electrifying red cheeks and charged up black-tipped ears. Even if post-puberty you gave up your love for pocket monsters, this game has reinvigorated the childhood of millions of children. When looking at twitter, the hardcore fans are tweeting right next to those who stopped playing a decade ago. It is a beautiful mess of nerds relearning how much fun it can be to pretend.
2. Exercise? Leaving your house?
Michelle Obama, you tried. This app of fake creatures has got this chunky boy off his derriere and walking ten kilometers a day. It has also forced me to learn what a kilometer is. Thousands of geeks are venturing out of their mother’s basement to face their greatest enemy of all: the sun. It’s so bright. They are jeopardizing marathons of anime and intense sessions of Halo 4 to enter the wildest pits of ferocious nature. The most beautiful irony is that this app could end obesity while on the hunt for Snorlax.
1. Becoming a Pokémon Master
Mewtwo and Mew fly cross the screen. The epic drum solo kicks into gear, followed by the slashing of an electric guitar. Ash’s iconic hat flashes into view and the most legendary words ever spoken begin, “ I wanna be the very best” *doo dew* “Like nO ONE EVER WAS.” *dew dUH dew* “TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST” *BUM BUM BUM* “TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAAAAAUSE”.
Ever since the adventures with Misty and Brock and the Poké halloween costumes and the trading card game, we have wanted to be a Pokémon master. And, yes, although I have played every video game religiously, I’ve never gotten to actually feel the sensation of the journey; the thrill of searching tirelessly for that one Pokémon. Traveling with your best friends and a quest, searching far and wide. But, now, we have all of that. With a lil help from GPS tracking, a portable charger, and a hell lot of water we can once and for all Catch ‘em all.
