I want you to take a moment to read this anonymous story about tea:

"You say 'hey, would you like a cup of tea?' and they go 'omg f*ck yes, I would f*cking LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!' then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say 'hey, would you like a cup of tea?' and they um and ahh and say, 'I'm not really sure...' then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it, and if they don't drink it then - this is the important bit - don't make them drink it. You can't blame them for you going to the effort of making the tea on the off-chance they wanted it; you just have to deal with them not drinking it. Just because you made it doesn't mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.

If they say 'No thank you' then don't make them the tea. At all. Don't make them tea, don't make them drink tea, don't get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don't want tea, ok?

They might say 'Yes please, that's kind of you' and then when the tea arrives they actually don't want the tea at all. Sure, that's kind of annoying as you've gone to the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea. They did want the tea, now they don't. Sometimes people change their mind in the time it takes to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it's ok for people to change their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink it even though you went to the trouble of making it.

If they are unconscious, don't make them tea. Unconscious people don't want tea and can't answer the question 'do you want tea' because they are unconscious.

Ok, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes, but in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and - this is the important bit - don't make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don't want tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before they'd finished it, don't keep pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people don't want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said 'yes' to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn't mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don't want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it going 'BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST WEEK,' or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going 'BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST NIGHT.' "

This is the 21st century. We have sent a man to the moon, conquered virtual reality, and implemented robots in our daily lives, but we can't get proper consent before we have sexual intercourse? I'm not here to define what "consent" is for you, that's what a dictionary is for. I'm here to discuss this:

"You could have been with me that night but you put yourself in that situation to get "raped" you weren't raped you lie for attention you are manipulative and never listen to what I have to say so piss off you stubborn person grow up"

And this:

"Actually fuck that you're just partying that's why you don't talk you're trash don't talk to me again you're a pathetic person"

Also this:

"You're a stupid bitch for accepting a drink from a guy and not expecting it to have something in it"

Don't forget this:

"Maybe if you were more concerned with keeping your legs closed than partying you wouldn't have put yourself in that situation"

Or this:

"You're retarded if you don't think it's your fault"

And my favorite:

"You would have gone to the police if it really happened and you weren't lying"

This is raw. These are real messages between real people. This could be happening to the person sitting silently on the bus, standing next to you in line or worse: someone you care about. Victims of sexual assault often feel violated, afraid, vulnerable and lonely because of stories like this; stories where the victim is kicked when they're already down. The worst part is, this is not an uncommon response to sexual assault cases. Rape culture needs to change, and that includes the after-the-fact response to trauma, especially on college campuses. The last thing a victim of sexual assault needs to hear is, "Calm down before you start throwing around words like 'rape' and 'assault.'" What you are telling them is that their experience as a victim is not worthy of support; that their traumatic experience is a cry for attention. But we have the power to end the stigma associated with sexual assault victims.

It will never be your "fault" for wearing a piece of clothing that makes you seem "irresistible." It will never be your "fault" for feeling scared when you were intoxicated. It will never be your "fault" for changing your mind about wanting to drink the tea.

My message is short: no matter what the story is, everyone deserves respect and support. No one in this world, including friends, family, even doctors, detectives and lawyers working on a case, has the right to belittle a victim of sexual assault. Victims of sexual assault already feel like they have lost control of their bodies, don't make them feel like they have lost control of their entire lives. We can end this.

Sexual assault is not a simple matter, but consent is. If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual assault but is afraid of reactions like this, please call 800.656.HOPE (4673) for the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline for confidential help from a professional.

Spread the message; end the stigma.