Anyone who knows me knows that my dream career is becoming a history professor.

However, not a lot of people know that I would also like to be a published poet. Poetry is a huge passion of mine, and in the past seven years alone I have written over 200 poems, all either in notebooks or "published" on obscure poetry sites that are essentially a dead platform.

This year has been particularly important to me in regards to my art because I had decided to share my poetry with my friends and family via Instagram.

This was huge because two to three years ago, I wrote in desperate secrecy; I couldn't stomach the thoughts of what my friends and family would think of my poetry because it is often macabre and melancholic. But, I squashed those thoughts. I had made a goal for myself for 2016 to be more open about my poetry because I want to give my poetry an audience; I was tired of being the only one to see these; I wanted to open the most intimate side of myself to those I care about myself as well as others. I want to give my poems a platform to stand on their own and hopefully shine.

And so, Neptune's Rhapsody came to be. Unfortunately since I am still in school, I am not in a good position to invest in self-publishing so I utilize social media platforms, such as Tumblr and Wattpad, to post this particular set of poems.

I have attempted many other poetry collections in the past, including on inspired by Game of Thrones, but somehow I never found any motivation or inspiration to complete them because after six or seven pieces, I run out of ideas.

But, with this particular one, I am dead set on completing at least one collection, even if no one really reads it, I just want to complete it for my satisfaction, for my own selfish want to validate myself as a poet. The following poems are the first seven of the collection and there are more to come- I am sure of that this time so enjoy!

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1. "Of Blues and Pastels" - a melancholy piece of soft ocean views and the drowning of unhealthy relationships.

in soft blues and pastels I dream

of a sea that consumes me,

of waves that violently kiss my flesh.

in soft blues and pastels I bleed,

to a dream of a violently passionate love

that washes over me,

in one wave, in two, in twenty.

in soft blues and pastels,

I taste the salt of the storm

it is bitter

and it sings of heartache and violence.

in soft blues and pastels,

I wish for the soft blue sky of dawn,

to embrace me

as I escape the wicked black nothingness
of the night

and of a love that never was.

2. "sea glass"- the trouble of letting go.

we stand above the sea glass,

two former lovers- now strangers

coming face to face

after all this time

it's hard to look into your eyes

once two golden Suns

now a hollow bronze

full of contempt

full of indifference

the waves are cutting our feet

but it seems that I am the only

one who is bleeding

your voice is now a wicked wind

that no longer caresses my skin

but tear and claws it way to

the gore beneath

as if you want to escape your sins

in the arms of mine.

Maybe that is why you watch the sea glass

devour me.

3. "rosary and silk" - a fun little piece I wrote after listening to Nicole Dollanganer

your skin smells like honey,

soft as the silk I rest my head on,

whispering a prayer to a false idol

and a God so far away.

your lips taste of a heaven that I will never know of,

your eyes speak of a fiery passion that is reminiscent to that of Hell,

of sin and secrets,

of pride, lust, and glory.

and as the morning dew drips from my lips onto yours,

I clutch the rosary harder,

my symphony that of an angel song

that went undiscovered many scores ago

here I breathe

and pray

ironic of course

but still I clutch the idol close

and keep God far away.

4. "the violinist's requiem" - a piece inspired by the Carach Angren song "the funerary dire of a violinist." This song in particular uses the violin as a symbol of madness and well once inspiration hit...this is what happened:

notes wrap around my heart

like a noose

suffocating

but sweet.

*****

the strings cut beneath flesh

the vibrato pouring

into my veins.

*****

melancholy surrounds me still

a phantom ravaging my skin.

But I can only submit,

there is no resistance

the melody has seduced me

******

in flesh

it has craved its name

this monster

that spills from

the beautiful depths

of music's darkest abyss .

****

in this hell

there is only one sound

-- that of a violin

and the ghosts of war.

5. "they" - a cathartic piece about what it is like to live with a mood disorder

they creep up in a silent violence
that when they strike
I am defenseless

they rush over me wave
after wave until I am
waiting for a moment
of peace so I can
finally breathe

they ignite demons in me
that I have for so long
tried to keep in a hidden
chamber of my heart

they give me a euphoric high
that makes it feel as if
I had just been given
the breath of life
and now I dance with stars

they are violent ghosts
they are a vast and threatening ocean
they are a pleasure that one only finds
deep within their souls

they are everything - and they are also nothing
ghosts and flesh and blood and bones

they are whispers
and they are screams

but they are a part of me

6. "split" - a piece I wrote for all those who know what it is like to live and struggle with mental illness

split

even when the phantom of the tiniest
words and touches
feel like the darkest depths of hell

split
even when the waves of nothingness was
nothing more than just a small splash in your vast ocean

split
even when the pinks of the sky return
after a long night of an apocalyptic battle
with those who look like you
only with venom on their mouths
ready to consume you whole

split

even when the calm becomes the normal

split

split

split

for you are nothing more than phantom
someone carved of bones
of blood
of flesh

split
even when it is the brightest of whites
and a smile touches your lips
and you're looking straight into the lovely heart
of the sun

split

because it is part of you
in the chambers that
you didn't want anyone to find

s p l i t

7. "doe eyes and broken angel wings" - a piece about parasitic relationships.

I gnaw at your mouth
in a sick desperate need
to taste the heaven behind your lips

and remarkably,
it burns like
a fresh wound
from hell

perhaps you are angel
or even a devil
either way
I am addicted

Let me get on my knees
nails through my flesh
thorns adorned
on a crown

empty doe eyes
and broken angel wings
blood and broken prayers
spilling from my lips

destroy me
destroy me

it's all so feral

it's all so feral

raw claw marks
littered on my skin

reminders of what was there

divinity or supernatural ?

either way

I shall burn.